Replies

"A cakewalk. That's what they told me. They told me this nomination business was all pre-arranged and all I had to do was show up in Cleveland for the convention and read from the teleprompter the things they wanted me to say. But here I am, in some VFW hall in some obscure New Hampshire cowtown, fighting for my political life. I told this crowd my best Donald Trump joke in Spanish to try and lighten things up and dead silence. Dead silence. Don't these unenlightened people know a word of Spanish!

It wasn't supposed to be this way dammit! This was supposed to be a DONE deal! Now they got me going out to some cornfield in Iowa this weekend to speak to another group of sleepyheads who expect me to speak about farm subsidies or some such crap. I can't handle this anymore! When I get a hold of my brother, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind. He told told me not to worry, just say and do what my staffers told me and the nomination would be mine. Instead, all the polls have me at 6%.

Six percent! It makes me just want to crawl under a desk and hide out of shame.

And my mother....what was she thinking when she gave that Matt Lauer an interview? Doesn't she know he's a snake! Gawdalmighty, I've had just about enough of this nonsense. Somebody get me off this Crazy Train..."