Right your a re ‘’metmom’’ And be grateful to God HE didn’t make you them.
There are two issues: Can you know that you're a Christian?, and Can a true Christian lose his salvation?
1. Are you a Christian? The Bible provides several tests, including:
* John 3:3: "...Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.""among many others, demonstrating it is possible to know that one is indeed a true Christian.* 1 John 5:11-12a: "And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life..."
* Romans 10:9: "That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."
2. Can a true Christian lose his salvation? The Bible argues he cannot: once saved, always saved.
* John 10:27-29: "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand."
Not even you can snatch yourself away from Him.* John 5:24: ""I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life."
It's past-tense: "he has crossed", he "has eternal life," which by definition is eternal and cannot be lost.* Romans 8:1-2: "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."
In Christ = no condemnation
By the way, a week or two ago I offered to demonstrate this doctrine of eternal security to another Catholic on this forum, in order to encourage her, and encountered in return as much unwarranted venom and vitriol as I've ever seen; so I hope you'll receive this as being born solely out of genuine helpfulness and concern. To the extent that my presentation here is inadequate, I'm quite sure an online search into the doctrine of eternal security will prove fruitful for you. Indeed, it's a shame to be left in lifelong suspense about the answer to life's biggest question, when the Lord anticipated and forestalled that suspense by providing such clear answers in His Word.
All that said, why this preoccupation with suicide?