"My fellow high school graduates, I stand before you today to announce something that will shock many of you..I stand before you as a heterosexual male.(audience boos) I plan on courting a person of the opposite sex, a true female, not one butchered to try to become one. (audience boos louder, throws tomatoes) I will first marry and then, God willing, impregnate her and raise a family to be also hetero. (audience screaming obscenities) I know that is not a popular life choice, but it is a choice I have made. Thank you and may God Bless everyone of you!" (audience members jump on stage with machete knives, chase valedictorian off stage)