[SoConPubbie]

Ted Cruz Ping!

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[Ditter]

Has Ted Cruz officially announced his run for the presidency? The minute he does he is getting a big fat check from me.

[Kenny Bunk]

There is a very good theological reason for backing Mitt, The Millionaire Mormon Milquetoast, over Ted Cruz. Our eternal happiness depends upon our understanding and acceptance of it. It's that serious, OK?

As you chaps may, or may not know, your top Mormons are on the Fast Track to becoming Gods on Other Planets. After several days of fasting in the desert, which is not easy on FL's Gulf Coast, it came to me in a mystic sort of vision. This planet, Mother Gaia, or "Earth," as you Right Wing GW Deniers call it, may well have already been assigned to Mitt (possibly aka "Willard, The God of This Planet") It is reasonable to assume then, that opposing him could be what the RC's call "a mortal sin."

You are all welcome to fast with me to contemplate this issue. While true that I took in no solid food, my spiritual advisor advised me that for reasons of health, I should frequently refresh myself with FL beverages. That is, drinks with tricky little paper umbrellas sticking out. The more refreshment he allowed me, the more convincing this theological proposition became. I am writing to Ted tonight in the fervent hope of his repentance.
Amen.