Most private colleges range from about $50K per year in tuition, room, board, and expenses up to about $65K.
The Ivies don't have a sticker price any higher than many other schools.
However, most middle class folks don't pay the sticker price for college. Most folks get some financial aid at most colleges. And the financial aid at the Ivies is among the highest of all schools, led by Harvard, Princeton, and Yale.
In fact, families of students with family incomes of $65K or less aren't expected to contribute at all to the student's education at Harvard, Yale, or Princeton. Students are still expected to make a contribution, called “student self-help,” usually in the range of $3K - $5K per year from their earnings from part-time work, but the Expected Family Contribution for families with these income is $0K.
Harvard, Princeton, and Yale do not use student loans in their financial aid packages. Students may borrow their student self-help contribution, and families are free to borrow their Expected Family Contribution, but if one of these three schools gives you a financial aid package worth $60K, it's all grants - no loans.
Most HYP students graduate with less than $10K in student loans, and many graduate without any debt at all.
Ironically, for most families, going to an Ivy League school, especially Harvard, Princeton, or Yale, will cost less than almost any other alternative.
sitetest
The “Ivy League School” that we considered, a private school, is $60K per year versus our state university (with instate tuition) which is around $30K per year. About half. Even less if our son goes to one of the affiliated “extension” universities.
Probably not an apples and apples comparison because of the instate kickback, but a huge savings just the same. Private universities, which tend to be “Ivy League,” don't offer the instate kickback. Although they may offer other incentives (as you mentioned).
Also we are going to save money by having my son live with us. Actually save A LOT! I estimate around $60K over four years. Most schools will allow the student to commute as long as they live within a certain radius. True, my son will miss out on the campus life and all of the socializing but that can be a distraction too.
Also, our goal is to avoid all debt and loans. This is actually good since it changes our mindset from “who cares how much it costs, our son will pay it off when he gets a job after graduation” and forces us to look for the best value.
The best gift we can give to our son is a college degree AND NO DEBT!