Not so fast. I have a problem with this part here:
“The officer found that the teacher sustained minor injuries . . .
For "Father of the Year", I'm expecting a brief hospital stay at the very least.
Order of Father of the Year, degrees:
First Degree: Slaps him and calls him son of a whore: Medal
Second Degree: Hits him with a baseball bat: Medal with Oak Leaves
Third Degree: Breaks a long bone with the bat: Oak Leaves and Diamonds
Fourth Degree: Two shots center mass: Oak Leaves, Diamonds, and crossed swords.