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Two years ago, the nice couple who lived downstairs sold their co-op to a single NYC cop, in his late 30s. He lived with his mother in her house around the corner. He did some minimal remodeling, but never moved in. Just came around for his mail a couple times a week, for a year. We all thought it very strange indeed. Why buy a place, pay a mortgage and maintenance fees, and then continue to live at Mom's? The answer came a couple months later. I came home to find the outer door open and his door open, with a young woman lugging some baby stuff in. What the heck?? Turns out this was the cop's SIL.

The SIL and his brother and their screaming toddler moved in and promptly made themselves an anathema of major proportions. The barely-employed brother took over the porch shared by the 4 apartments in that group, turning it into his outdoor office and smoking parlor. I had to listen to every detail of every "big deal" he was attempting to pull off as though he were sitting in my living room as a unwanted guest. I had to trip over the stacks of heavy cardboard boxes of literature for the shady medical insurance company he worked for, taking up the porch. He also smoked one cigarette after another, and the filth from his habit came right upstairs to me--and I have asthma. So there I was, choking and having no privacy, with him sitting spread-legged on the porch. Leaving his butts all over the lawn, my garden, and particularly to the side of the porch, where I could have fainted from their stench every time I leaned over the porch railing to toss some garbage into the can. And how wonderful to have to maneuver around him every time I wanted to enter or leave. Now we have the wifey: also a smoker, throwing her butts all over the lawn, and screaming at him and the kid at all hours. And the kid: scream, scream, scream.

Mr. Cop (who closely resembles "Mall Cop", pudgy wudgy little dear---must be all that good home cookin' from MOM...), thinking he was above rules and all that, never went through the co-op board to receive permission to sublet or allow his unit to be occupied by other than the owner. And co-op boards do NOT like being cut out of the circle. So SOMEONE dropped the dime on this digusting family of his who were illegally occupying his unit. And, NY just passed a law concerning co-ops only, which is the habitability law: you cannot do anything in your co-op which lessens the habitability of others' co-ops. Like, sending clouds of smoke upstairs into your neighbor's apartment, or having loud conversations right under your neighbor's window. Or throwing butts all over the lawn, creating an aesthetic liability and fire hazard.

Sadly, the bums were asked by the co-op to vacate the premises. Thank G-d. Because my investment in my co-op was totally negated by their presence, as well as the quality of life for the other neighbors. The bums managed to tick off a lot of people in their time here, and had to go move back in with MOM. Boy, she must have a full house of failed adults.