if the dad left the fam in order to bang the stepmother, I place the blame squarely on him
That could be some of what happened, but obviously selfish people don't think in terms of consequences. They think my spouse let herself go, my spouse is abusive, or my spouse neglects me, and I have these attractive person who thinks I'm amazing. People can rationalize anything. I'm also sure the ex wife was not the sweetest crayon in the box, and lacking in feminine genious, but she had to be very bitter seeing her ex remake his life with a younger women and new children. I can tell you that the temptation to walk away had to be ridiculous. A nightmare wife vs. a pretty 100% traditional woman. Although #2 can be a handfull and is as temperamental as she is loving. She is much wiser in terms of being a good wife. Ladies we can't control what other people do. We can control ourselves. Cooking, caring, and loving our spouses and families is the most important job in the world. Even if they are ungratefull and it goes wrong, at least we know we held our part of the bargain and promise to God. We can continue with a clean conscience and more importantly our children continue with a blessed life. Don't be deceived like these otherwise decent people were, they are all at fault.