You seem to think we can wage war with a scalpel and we should do so even at the risk of injury to our own personnel.
Over the top? Would you have supported the fire bombings of Dresden, Hamburg, Tokyo, etc. or dropping the atomic bomb twice on Japanese cities? Every war has collateral damage and when you are fighting a guerrilla war with the populace proving aid and assistance to the enemy, you go after "suspicious" people. By doing so, you protect your own people and deter others from helping the enemy.
I am more concerned that more of our people will be lost by ROE that limit the application of force. We are putting our own people at risk for fear of causing collateral damage. I suspect that we didn't use drones or fighter jets against those surrounding our mission in Benghazi because of the fear of collateral damage and hurting our bilateral relations with Libya.
You are right, to win a combatant must be more resolute than the enemy.