Jan -- In a shocking interview, Lance Armstrong, after years of denial, admits to Oprah Winfrey that he took illegal drugs in all seven of his Tour de France victories, as well as using a motorcycle for certain stages of the race and “occasionally” shooting opponents with poison-tipped darts. Also he played “a small role” in the JFK assassination.
Apr -- In sports, basketball player Jason Collins becomes the first athlete in a major U.S. professional sport to openly declare that he has participated in the Tour de France.
May -- In sports, the Kentucky Derby is won by a Harley-Davidson ridden by Lance Armstrong.
June -- In sports, organizers of the Tour de France announce that this year they’re going to skip the bicycle-riding part and instead just gather all the competitors into a room and see who can do the most drugs.
July -- In baseball, Ryan Braun of the Milwaukee Brewers is suspended for the season without pay after testing positive for trans-fats.
That is so funny I almost peed my pants.