I wasn't there and don't know the sequence of events, the way communications took place and such, but I do know this for a fact: The restaurant WAS unaware of the person's medical situation at some point, and that is important, because that is what precipitated the situation.
Bear with me. I will try to illustrate why I saw it the way I did. I don't think I jumped on your opinion that hard to begin with, I simply said something to the effect of "We don't know what happened there", and I apologize if I caused you to take exception to that.
I am going to paint three different scenarios, and I would like to hear your honest opinion on which ones are likely:
SCENARIO 1
WAITER: "Ma'am, I have a patron at one of my tables who is wearing a hat. He looks kind of sick and doesn't have any hair...he looks like he might be undergoing chemotherapy, and I heard him talking about not being able to work, and how uncomfortable it was to lose his hair. What should I do?
MANAGER: "Well, I would just let him keep the hat on. I am not going to make the guy remove his hat. I would be a real jerk if I did that. Can you imagine if I did that, and it got into the papers? We'd be ruined! Nah. Forget about it.
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SCENARIO 2
WAITER: "Ma'am, I have a patron at one of my tables who is wearing a hat. What should I do? I know you said you didn't want people wearing hats in here because you want to give our patrons a better atmosphere. Should I ask him to take it off? I'm not very comfortable doing that."
MANAGER: "I'll take care of it. (walks briskly out to table and faces person with hat, speaks in a strong and firm tone of voice) Sir. We don't allow hats to be worn in the dining room. Either remove the hat, or you will be asked to leave."
MAN WITH HAT: "Huh? I don't see a sign anywhere saying I can't wear a hat? (now irritated) Look, I have been undergoing medical treatment, and lost my hair, I..."
MANAGER: "I, uh..."
DINER 1: "What the hell is wrong with you? Can't you see he needs the hat to keep his head warm?"
DINER 2: "What is your problem? He has cancer and has lost his hair and is subjected to crap like THIS from people like YOU?"
DINER 3: (yelling and looking at other patrons in the restaurant at other tables)"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! WHAT KIND OF PLACE IS THIS? WHAT KIND OF INHUMAN JERK WOULD GET ON SOMEONE'S CASE FOR WEARING A HAT BECAUSE THEY HAD CHEMO AND LOST THEIR HAIR?" (faces manager, pointing) YOU'RE PATHETIC! (sitting down, in a lower voice) I've never SEEN anything like this. I am going to go to the newspapers..."
DINER 4: (standing up, faces manager)"What kind of animal are you? This man is a pillar of the community, has worked his tail off, giving us jobs, treating us better than any boss has, even taking us out to THIS place, and you give him crap about wearing his hat because he has a medical condition? You ought to be ASHAMED of yourself!"
MANAGER: "Er...ah...look, if, uh, he had called ahead and warned us, we could have given your party a private room, or he could have brought a doctor's note, and it would have been fine..."
DINER 2: "Are you THICK? Are you going to stand there and DEMAND a doctor's note?"
DINER 3: "What kind of IDIOT thinks someone is going to get a doctor's note to go to a restaurant?"
DINER 1: "ESPECIALLY A CRAPPY RESTAURANT LIKE THIS ONE!"
DINER 4: (yelling)"I can't believe this!"
MANAGER: (looks around, sees patrons getting up to leave, looking uncomfortable and asking for their checks...sees people with cell phones recording the altercation. Now has her dander up, puts her hands on her hips)"If you don't settle down, I am going have to ask you to leave!"
DINER 3: (yelling)"SCREW YOU! WE AREN'T LEAVING UNTIL YOU APOLOGIZE!"
DINER 2: (standing up, walking over and standing behind man with hat)"An apology won't be enough! We are going to have you sacked! Count on it!"
DINER 4: "We are going to get a boycott of this greasy spoon joint going!"
DINER 1: (yelling to other patrons)"ARE THE REST OF YOU JUST GOING TO EAT YOUR MEALS AND WATCH THEM ABUSE A CANCER PATIENT?"
MANAGER: (sees police car parked across the street at donut shop, turns to assistant manager)"Can you go over and get the policeman over there and ask him to come over and throw these people out of here? They are creating a disturbance!"
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SCENARIO 3
WAITER: "Ma'am, I have a patron at one of my tables who is wearing a hat. He looks kind of sick and doesn't have any hair...he looks like he might be undergoing chemotherapy, and I heard him talking about not being able to work, and how uncomfortable it was to lose his hair. What should I do?
MANAGER: "I'll take care of it. (walks briskly out to table and faces person with hat, speaks in a strong and firm tone of voice) Sir. We don't allow hats to be worn in the dining room. You have to either produce a doctor's note or remove the hat. Otherwise we will ask you to leave."
MAN WITH HAT: "Huh? I don't see a sign anywhere saying I can't wear a hat? (now irritated) Look, I have been undergoing medical treatment, and lost my hair, I..."
DINER 1: "He has been undergoing chemotherapy!"
DINER 2: "Why can't he just keep it on, he only has it to keep his head warm!"
DINER 3: He only finished chemo a month ago and is still sensitive to temperature changes..."
DINER 4: (in a low voice)"Is this really necessary? Can't he just keep his hat on?"
MANAGER: "We have policies on this type of thing. We are trying to maintain an certain atmosphere and we simply don't allow headgear to be worn. If he had called ahead and warned us, we could have given your party a private room, or he could have brought a doctor's note, and it would have been fine."
DINER 2: "Oh, come on!"
DINER 3: "Really. He is recovering..."
MANAGER: (looks around, sees patrons frozen in mid-meal, looking uncomfortable. She has to be firm or everyone will be wearing hats...)"That is our policy, and if you don't comply, I am going have to ask you to leave!"
DINER 4: He's not going to take off his hat, and we aren't leaving."
MANAGER: (Now has her dander up, puts her hands on her hips)"Really? We'll see about that." (sees police car parked across the street at donut shop, turns to assistant manager)"Can you go over and get the policeman over there and ask him to come over and ask these people to leave? They are creating a disturbance!"
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I think if they had known up front as illustrated in scenario one, that is what SHOULD have happened. I think scenario three is unlikely, but possible. I think scenario 2 is the most likely thing that happened, though the story we read does not give enough detail to know for sure.
Honestly, what do you think?
On a different note, I could have been more open to your response, and got my "dander" up and responded sarcastically. I apologize.
I honestly think all three are unlikely - and all are adding far more than what we read/know.
I read three different stories - the whole story each time, so spare me your, “only read the headline” condescension.
Here is what I read happened:
Patron is asked to remove his hat.
He says OK and complies
His son objects because of his medical condition (at THIS point, ignorance about his medical condition is off the table - and this is before the situation deteriorates).
Others also object because of his medical condition.
Someone - one story says manager, one story says server - tells him he should have brought a note or called ahead
This is where the restaurant swerved into stupidity - nobody, I mean NOBODY brings a doctor’s note to a restaurant, or calls ahead because of something like this. This is the thing that escalated the situation from misunderstanding to plain rude behavior.
I used to be a waiter - at some very high-end restaurants. There are four major points here that point to gross mismanagement, which is why the manager should be replaced.
#1 - any competent staff recognizes that they are about to leave. The situation is completely different from the guy who sits down with the beanie on his head. (HERE’S a huge hint to the staff and management - he ate the whole meal without the beanie.)
#2 - the group just dropped big dollars on the restaurant and the wait staff - I’ve been to this restaurant, a tip of at least 17% is added to the bill for parties that large. They were not deadbeats, nor do we have any reason to assume earlier problems with the group.
#3 - groups of this size should be offered a private room as a matter of course. When I used to go there, this was standard procedure. Large groups are inherently disruptive to the other diners.
#4 - The incident staff/management created was far more disruptive to other diners than the man wearing the beanie as he was getting ready to leave.
NEVER inform a patron about what they SHOULD have done. This is unhelpful. Only let them know what they can do at the moment to correct the problem - POLITELY! And as you apologize on the spot for saying something in the first place, let them know what to do the next time to avoid any misunderstanding.
The way to handle it was to say nothing, because they were obviously ready to leave.
Having said something, as soon as they were informed of the medical situation, APOLOGIZE and thank them for their patronage. In the apology include the recognition that they are ready to leave (this is also a polite, non-confrontational way to encourage them to leave).
The staff and management missed several opportunities to be gracious hosts, this is an attitude problem, and that attitude obviously starts at the top - no restaurant wants to be infected with that attitude. The Morton’s I knew when I worked in Nashville certainly wasn’t.