No you’re talking! But I fear we are discriminating against other species here. Further refinement of the alert is needed: “ A blob of protoplasm, or perhaps a group of blobs of protoplasm, is suspected of commiting a crime. We’d rather not say how large the group was, if even there was a group in the first place.”
No no no. The only truly non-racist way to report a crime is in the passive voice, Bill Clinton style. “A crime was committed...”