Posted on 12/05/2013 9:46:15 PM PST by 2ndDivisionVet
At just about every place Ive ever worked, theres been one feature in my office that has always stood out.
That feature is a bucket of baseball bats.
I have been collecting miniature baseball bats from major- and minor-league baseball parks since the mid-1990s. At first, it was because these bats, which range in price from $3 to $12, are the cheapest things you can get as souvenirs at the ballpark. But after a while, I started collecting them because they inadvertently sent a message.
That message: Leave me alone, and Ill leave you alone.
Granted, Ive never hit anyone with one of my bats, and I probably never would because they are collectors items to me. But if the perception that Ill take one of my collector bats to your head keeps you from approaching me in a way that could lead to something, that works.
I bring this up because I may have to start sticking one of my bats into the bag I usually carry when I go to my editing job or some of the other places I go when Im out reporting.
Its not because of the usual nonsense that I see and hear on SEPTAs Route 23, a bus so crazy its made the folks at SEPTA start following me on Twitter because I make cracks about it.
Its because I have this fear of being knocked out.
If you havent heard about the so-called Knockout Game, its obvious youve avoided the Philadelphia Inquirer and Philadelphia Daily News. Its all the rage.
Apparently, young people have been challenging each other to walk up to the first total stranger they see and knock said stranger out with one punch. And when I say knock out, I mean out cold. Like a mackerel. Gotta be revived and everything.
Now if Ive learned nothing else between teaching college students at Temple and teaching The Children Of The Corn at the Performance Learning Center, Ive learned you cant tell young people anything these days.
If I had a nickel for every time Ive heard the phrase Im grown from someone who can barely shave, I could retire quite comfortably.
But Im gonna tell the young folks playing this game one thing: STOP. I say this because the knockout you save may be your own.
I turn 50 in May and what you need to know about folks my age is that weve had about enough of your shenanigans. Every time I see a story on my Facebook page about this here Knockout Game, its usually put up there by some guy my age who prefaces it by saying I wish some kid would.
Now some of these folks have boxed at one time or another. Others are armed. Most are just plain old, garden-variety crazy.
In any case, you can take that swing, but your fist might have written a check that your behind cant cash.
Especially if the person youre swinging at is a short lady with a large afro, glasses and braces. Shes carrying a baseball bat, and she will knock you out with it.
You have been warned.
Other people with good situational awareness will usually stand out as "twitchy", too. You end up with a scenario similar to this, with the sleepwalking sheep being preyed upon from one side and defended from the other:
YOU MIGHT WANT TO HAVE BACKUP.
I figgered someone would suggest that model!
I wonder how this would twirl?
Or this one?
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.