I totally understand. When I started my journey to understand the Jewish Jesus, I was so rewarded. The Old Testament, the Torah are beautiful love stories.
When Holy Redeemer Hospital merged with Abington Hospital, they negotiated that abortions could no longer be performed on the premises. In response, a group of Jewish rabbis protested the merger and the decision to outlaw abortions at the hospitals. Only the orthodox Rabbis supported the decision of the hospital.
At that point in time,I realized that most American Jews have utter disregard of their Holy Book.