Here is one my Mom use to tell (I think to tick my Dad off). Seamus O’Flaherty was a known drunk. His wife finally got him to talk to Father O’Malley. The priest said, “Seamus, if ye’ keep on a drinking, you are gonna get smaller and smaller and smaller. One day, mark me words... you’ll turn into a mouse”. Well, Seamus went home, kissed his bride, Fiona, on the cheek and said, “Promise me one thing, my Fiona. If you ever see me getting smaller, kill the damn cat”.
Q: Why are Irish jokes so simplistic?
A: So Englishmen can understand them
An English man and an Irish man are driving head on at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Irish man goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of Jameson whiskey. He hands the bottle to the English man, who toasts, “May the English and the Irish live together forever, in peace, and harmony.’’ The English man then tips the bottle and lashes half of it down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Irish man, who replies: ‘’No thanks, I’ll just wait till the Garda get here!’’