Dear FReepers: We need your help to get this FReepathon moving again! [thread XIV]

We need your help to get this FReepathon moving again. Now starting the second month of the fundraiser and we're lagging behind the pace. Hopefully it'll pick up so we can complete it in the next few weeks.

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FReeper I_be_tc donated $100.00 last week and challenged 300 others to match. Thirty-seven FReepers have met the challenge so far. If 300 FReepers would follow through, this FReepathon would end quickly!! Woo hoo!!

Barack Obama is having national backlash problems over his recent attempt at gun confiscation measures using the Sandy Hook childern as his scapegoat.

In an emergency meeting with Vallerie Jarrett, David Axelrod and Jake Carney, it is decided that the only clear way to attempt to diffuse the uproar over his gun-grabbing stance is for Obama to be seen as a "Pro Second Amendment - man of the people".

The decision is made that Obama will go duck hunting, (like Kerry did in 2004) a sure positive photo-op to prove he's really "pro-gun".

They take Obama to Cabelas, fix him up with a camo-outfit from hat to boots, an 870 12 gauge pump and arrange for a Maryland hunting permit so they can leave and return from Camp David to do the photo-op.

Just outside of Camp David, the Obama entourage comes upon a large field with the perfect setting for the photo-op and the group exits the Presidential motorcade to begin the hunt with the Obama boot-licking MSM following Axelrod, Carney and Obama as they begin their duck hunt.

An hour has almost passed with no sign of anything "duck-like" to attempt to have Obama shoot at, when suddenly a group of about six ducks appear from out of nowhere flying from left to right in front of Obama and the entourage.

With much excitement from Axelrod, Carney and the half dozen press members specially choosen for the photo-op, they start to cheer wildly for Obama to take aim at the ducks. Obama racks a shell into the chamber as he lifts the 870 pump to his shoulder for his first shot which misses. The group cheers louder as the second of three loaded shells also misses it's mark.

With the group in an almost frenzy and the ducks now flying almost out of range, Obama makes his last attempt with his remaining shot.

It's a hit!!

Feathers fly as the shot finds it's mark, but because of the distance, the duck does not immediately fall to earth as hoped, but is wounded and continues a downward flight path towards a farm with a large barn and a fence separating Obama from his prize photo-op duck. The duck hits the barn and drops to the ground not far from what appears to be the main house on the substanially sized farm.

A quick decision is made by Carney and Axelrod that Obama should retrieve the duck and the press should wait at their present position while this happens and do the pics when he returns to avoid the apperance that Obama merely "winged" the bird and had to go and fetch it.

It's about a walk of one hundred yards before Carney, Axelrod and Obama reach the property fence and after climbing over it is about another one hundred yards to arrive at the barn where they see the duck lying on the ground.

As the three of them start to retrieve the duck, a booming voice, along with the sound of a shotgun chambering a shell, hollers: "What do you three gentlemen think you're doing tresspassing on my property??"

Axelrod answers first: "We're terribly sorry sir. President Obama was duck hunting and he wounded a duck which flew to this spot beside your barn. We were just retrieving the duck".

Obama replies next: "Hi! I'm President Obama and I want to apologize for us tresspassing on your property to get the duck. We will just take the duck and be on our way."

The farmer replies: "I can tell you three have never been duck hunting in Maryland before because you don't know the rules about the "Maryland Duck Hunting Challenge".

Carney, Axelrod and Obama look at each other in confused total bewilderment as Obama asks:

"What is the 'Maryland Duck Hunting Challenge'???"

The farmer replies: "Here in Maryland, if you wound a duck that lands on someone's property, you can't simply go and take the duck without completing a challenge from the property owner of his choosing."

Obama replies: "Well we had no advanced idea about the rules here in Maryland. What would be your choice of a challenge so that I can take my duck?"

The farmer replies: "One of the most common challenges is the "Groin Kicking Contest".

Obama asks:" Groin Kicking Contest??"

The farmer answers: "The Groin Kicking Contest consists of the two of us trading kicks to the groin with the last one standing becoming the owner of the duck".

Axelrod and Carney quickly look back two hundred yards away at the press reporters awaiting the President's return. Along with Obama the three huddle and discuss the situation.

Axelrod, with Carney in complete agreement, tells Obama: "If you walk back to that group of press people without that duck, your can kiss your second term "Good-BYE". You'll be nothing but a laughing stock for ANY agenda you had hoped to accomplish until you leave office in 2016. Everyone from Leno, Letterman, Stewart, Rush, Hannity, O Reilly and Beck will have a field day with it if you don't!! You HAVE to do the challenge!!"

Obama looks back at the press waiting for him, looks at Axelrod and Carney who are giving him the "WELL..what's it gonna be??" look as he slowly turns to the farmer and reluctantly nods in the affirmative as he says to him:

"OK. I accept your challenge."

The farmer says: "Fine. "The Maryland Duck Hunting Challenge" rules state that the property owner is the one who always starts the challenge, so I will get to kick you first."

Obama looks down at the heavy looking steel-toed workboots of the farmer as he reluctantly replies:"Well OK".

Obama hands his shotgun to Axelrod as Carney starts to cheer Obama to victory."You can do this!!" Carney tells Obama. "Yes we can!!" hollers Axelrod.

Obama and the farmer walk towards each other until they are close enough to begin the contest. Both men are seriously sizing up the situation as Obama opens his stance to receive the first attempt fom the farmer.

"Are you ready to begin??" ask the farmer.

Obama takes one more glance at the waiting press, a last wary glance at a confident Axelrod and Carney and replies:

"OK. I'm ready!!"

Obama then closes his eyes and awaits the farmer's first kick.

The farmer's tremendous kick lifts Obama at least a foot off of the ground as Obama returns to earth landing in a fetal position heap of extreme groaning and almost unbearable pain.

Axelrod and Carney are in complete disbelief with the power of the kick just administered to the President. They both scream at Obama who is rolling on the ground "Are you OK????"

Obama is unable to respond due to the severity of the kick he has just received and continues to try to get to his feet after what has seemed like an unrecoverable first kick from the farmer. It has been about five minutes since the kick and now Obama is starting to recover.

"You have GOT to get up!!" screams Axelrod. "Your whole legacy and progressive agenda depend on it!!!"

Obama finally makes eye contact wth Axelrod and Carney.

Carney pleads to Obama: "Man you have to get up NOW!! The press is back there trying to see why you aren't returning with your duck. You CAN'T come back empty-handed!!"

Obama is finally able to attempt to stand up. Axelrod and Carney help him to his feet as Obama unsteadily stands looking at the farmer and says:

"OK....that was a pretty substantial first kick from you in our challenge" (as Axelrod and Carney back away to let Obama stand on his own).

"You see that group of press people over there??" Obama yells the farmer."They are expecting me to come back over there with that duck. People have counted me out before but I have always surprised them with a victory be it Obamacare, destroying the coal and oil industry, both of my elections and now my plan to finally disarm the American people."

"I WILL win this contest!!" Obama promises as his energy starts to return."According to the rules of The Maryland Duck Hunting Challenge", it is now MY turn to kick you in the groin!! Spread your legs and get ready because I'm going to give you at least as good as you gave me and see if YOU survive it!!!"

The farmer replies:"Aw, you can keep the duck".

Thank You Wonderful, Fabulous FReeper PATRIOT DONORS!!!!

YOUR LOYAL SUPPORT IS TRULY & GREATLY APPRECIATED!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, 2 CALIFORNIA, MASSACHUSETTS, NEVADA, NEW JERSEY, OREGON & TEXAS FReepers!!!!

Thank you all very much!

Your loyal support is greatly appreciated!!

FReepers ROCK!!

~Jim

GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU ALL

2013 Q1 Scoreboard — ranked by total receipts

Rank	Location	Receipts			Monthlies
Rank	Location	Total	#	Avg/Per	Total	#	Avg/Per
1	California	$4,103.77	115	$35.68	$1,024.00	73	$14.03
2	Texas	3,125.15	104	30.05	1,043.00	65	16.05
3	Pennsylvania	1,700.00	43	39.53	225.00	17	13.24
4	New York	1,540.00	37	41.62	240.00	20	12.00
5	Florida	1,385.00	60	23.08	845.00	47	17.98
6	Georgia	1,195.00	25	47.80	265.00	18	14.72
7	Virginia	1,178.00	43	27.40	453.00	28	16.18
8	North Carolina	1,120.00	29	38.62	345.00	18	19.17
9	Ohio	991.00	29	34.17	306.00	23	13.30
10	Michigan	931.00	28	33.25	176.67	12	14.72
11	Maryland	868.50	23	37.76	302.50	17	17.79
12	Colorado	780.00	25	31.20	280.00	16	17.50
13	Arkansas	735.00	15	49.00	145.00	7	20.71
14	Washington	690.00	23	30.00	285.00	16	17.81
15	New Hampshire	600.00	7	85.71	90.00	5	18.00
16	Massachusetts	541.00	23	23.52	301.00	16	18.81
17	New Jersey	520.00	20	26.00	55.00	4	13.75
18	Arizona	518.00	21	24.67	230.00	14	16.43
19	Mississippi	511.00	11	46.45	161.00	7	23.00
20	Connecticut	510.00	9	56.67	40.00	3	13.33
21	Australia	500.00	1	500.00	10.00	1	10.00
22	Tennessee	488.00	24	20.33	155.00	13	11.92
23	Nevada	485.00	14	34.64	110.00	8	13.75
24	South Carolina	475.00	15	31.67	110.00	9	12.22
25	Missouri	455.00	21	21.67	200.00	13	15.38
26	Illinois	446.00	21	21.24	206.00	13	15.85
27	Louisiana	438.00	8	54.75	148.00	9	16.44
28	Oklahoma	400.00	14	28.57	255.00	13	19.62
29	Alabama	390.00	16	24.38	245.00	13	18.85
30	Oregon	316.96	18	17.61	130.00	8	16.25
31	New Mexico	315.00	8	39.38	50.00	4	12.50
32	Switzerland	300.00	1	300.00
33	Wisconsin	277.00	12	23.08	177.00	12	14.75
34	Minnesota	240.00	14	17.14	205.00	14	14.64
35	Nebraska	230.00	7	32.86	30.00	3	10.00
36	Indiana	205.00	15	13.67	165.00	14	11.79
37	Kansas	200.00	13	15.38	135.00	11	12.27
38	Canada	188.00	6	31.33	35.00	3	11.67
39	Alaska	170.00	6	28.33	100.00	3	33.33
40	Utah	168.00	5	33.60	70.00	3	23.33
41	Delaware	161.00	5	32.20	10.00	1	10.00
42	South Dakota	160.00	5	32.00	25.00	3	8.33
43	United Kingdom	150.00	4	37.50	30.00	1	30.00
44	Montana	145.00	5	29.00	95.00	4	23.75
45	Kentucky	120.00	4	30.00	60.00	3	20.00
46	North Dakota	100.00	1	100.00
47	Vermont	85.00	4	21.25	65.00	3	21.67
48	Maine	82.00	4	20.50	27.00	2	13.50
49	Hawaii	75.00	6	12.50	140.00	8	17.50
50	Norway	70.00	2	35.00	20.00	1	20.00
51	Iowa	65.00	3	21.67	40.00	2	20.00
52	Idaho	60.00	4	15.00	80.00	5	16.00
53	Germany	60.00	4	15.00
54	West Virginia	50.00	2	25.00	65.00	2	32.50
55	Thailand	50.00	1	50.00
56	Wyoming	35.00	2	17.50	10.00	1	10.00
57	Rhode Island	30.00	1	30.00	30.00	1	30.00
58	El Salvador	30.00	1	30.00
59	Puerto Rico	25.00	1	25.00
60	District of Columbia	10.00	1	10.00	10.00	1	10.00
61	Israel	10.00	1	10.00
62	Armed Forces - Pacific	5.00	1	5.00	5.00	1	5.00
Never Never Land		865.00	32	27.03	805.00	68	11.84
63 locations total		$32,672.38	1,023	$31.94	$10,865.17	700	$15.52

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