If Every U.S. State Declared War Against the Others, Which Would Win?

Slate ^ | Tuesday, Nov. 27, 2012 | Jon Davis,

[Teacher317]

Clearly this thread needs a Bracket... 50 states, DC, plus a few territories (Guam, Samoa, Puerto Rico, Virgin Islands, the Marianas)... that still leaves 8 byes. Hmmm..

The 1 and 2-seeds (CA, TX, NY, FL, IL, PA, OH, GA) get the byes... The Territories (other than PR) obviously get the 14 seeds...

The rest go mostly by population, but I'd suggest a few switches...

1 Seeds: CA, TX, NY, and FL. (IL is smaller than FL by population, has no ocean port access, and has less defense or space firms.)

2 Seeds: IL, PA, OH, MI. (I put MI ahead of GA despite the lower population, AND despite the no-ocean access that I just mentioned above, simply because of the (decaying) manufacturing infrastructure.)

3 Seeds: GA, NC, NJ, and VA

4 Seeds: MA, AZ, IN, WA

5 Seeds: TN, MS, CO, WI

6 Seeds: MN, MD, AL, SC (MD switches with CO for the Rockies)

7 Seeds: LA, KY, OR, OK

8 Seeds: DC, AK, UT, CT (Alaska is bumped waaaay up for massive size and resources. DC is bumped waaay up because of the history, museums, status as capitol, etc)

9 Seeds: IA, WV, HI, ARK,

10 Seeds: KS, NEB, MS, NV (KS and NEB get dropped a bit for having primarily one resource, agricultural grains, although KU basketball gives them an edge)

11 Seeds: DE, NM, ID, ME (NM drops a bit for being mostly Hispanic, and having relatively fewer resources despite such gorgeous mountains. DE is bumped up for being the center for incorporation nationally)

12 Seeds: PR, NH, MT, SD (Puerto Rico gets dropped many spots - should be an 8 Seed by population - simply because of cultural differences.

13 Seeds: RI, WY, VT, ND (I dropped RI to the 13s for small size)

14 Seeds: Guam, Samoa, USVI, Marianas

(Yes I'm bored tonight. How did you know?)

[Teacher317]

Dang... got so much into the brackets that I forgot it was for war, not just which states are “best”. Oops!

[RegulatorCountry]

You’re going to have to have regional brackets just like the NCAA. Likelihood of hostilities between NC and Guam is practically nil and comical to envision. NC and NJ, now you’re getting down to brass tacks. Or, Guam and Hawaii. So, either some of your number ones, etc. will be out of region or you’ll have to reconsider your seeding criteria. Definition of region will matter, too.

[JT Hatter]

Mary Ann. No contest.

[vette6387]

“Much respect to the great state of Tenn., but Los Angeles county has about three million more people than your whole state. I’m willing to bet that it has nearly as many guns, registered and unregistered, as well.”

Well, let’s try it! At the sound of the first shot, all the Mexicans would self-deport rather than fight. With the five million Mexicans gone, we still have more than 30 million folks, so I think Tennessee would be toast nevertheless. But we would thank you for helping us with our illegal problem. Maybe we should pay you something to start the process. Could be a good thing!

[ROCKLOBSTER]

The conflict would shake down to red counties vs blue counties.

Those residents of the blue counties wouldn’t fight, as they wouldn’t think of their domain worth dying for. The red county residents would agree and not be likely to invade the RAT cities.

If the thieving blue sewer RATs were to storm into the countryside, the conservatives would shoot them.

[AlexW]

“To paraphrase Rick Blaine, there are certain sections of California that I wouldn’t advise you to try to invade.”
_____________________________________________________

You guys need to learn how to appreciate a little tongue in cheek humor.
Most of us Tennesseans are quite proud of our state, and for good reason...It did not vote for Obozo.
Look up why Tennessee is called the volunteer state.
Tennessee will not roll over, as most states in the USSA are doing.
I do respect the pride that some of you have in your own state.

[owlpellets]

The blue counties would have trouble protecting their Starbuck supply lines should they try and invade inland to the red areas. Also, they would have 250 support people doing nothing for each actual troop.

[tumblindice]

Honey Boo Boo vs Lyndsey Lohan ? I’d have to go with the kid.

[Cyber Liberty]

A pretty silly premise. For starters, there would not be 50 separate entities fighting each other. 2-4 regions, probably.

[lwoodham]

It’s not which state will win, but which state your state decides to attack first would be more enlightening. I would want my state to go after the state that has the most people that have pissed me off. I’m not naming any states lol.

[lwoodham]

What this article misses is that most men in southern states have the know how and means to survive when the SHTF. Oh and I forgot armed to the teeth. If nukes are off the table I will put my money on any southern state. If nukes are on the table, no one wins.

[Eye of Unk]

I may be privileged with living in a spectator state, Alaska.

We will just show it all on the big screens at the sports bars and make wagers on who comes out on top.

Nobody will want to conquer Alaska, because if they did they would have to live here year round looking over their shoulders. I could say Alaska has more big game, big caliber and long range hunters than most states, and they can do that in some brutal weather conditions.

So if anyone wants to fight over Alaska just come on up and take in the scenery awhile.

[catbertz]

I do respect the pride that some of you have in your own state. To be clear, this whole thread is tongue in cheek, so laughs aplenty...including me being proud of Cali. Lollolol. I carry no pride for this ship of fools. I hope to leave as soon as the wife retires.

[Gene Eric]

The state of insanity?

[Gaffer]

I remember a TV interview of an old black man sitting on a bench, in view of the Capitol Building in South Carolina.

The interviewer was prompting him, trying to make him say that a rebel flag over the dome was blah, blah, blah...

He said something to the effect, “Let it be, just let it be...these white South Carolina boys got all riled up and started a war that killed hundreds of thousands of people, and went on for years! It just ain’t worth it for that.”

The interviewer was understandably speechless.

[Gaffer]

So do I. In NY’s case, it’s economic engine wouldn’t fare well at all in a war situation where its citizens fight other citizens. Their stock market, advertising and whole infrastructure is a paper tiger propped up by a corrupt Federal Government. They can’t even handle the aftermath of Sandy.

As for California, I’m sure all its millions of illegals are gonna go off and fight say, a bunch of Texans, Georgians, etc. like they did to get rid of their own criminals running their Mexican government /s.

[Hot Tabasco]

Hawaii

[Gaffer]

I tend to agree on more of an Urban vs non-urban standpoint. All you need do is to look at the red/blue map.

[Gaffer]

If you’re talking about Davis Monthan, I’d say getting those planes running in a week is a stretch. Many of the ‘fighting’ version planes don’t even have the engines in them.