LOL, now that would cause an outcry in Scotland!
Don’t forget tennis rackets, croquet mallets, and umbrellas! Then there is that Hitchcock story about the woman who killed her husband with a frozen roast, cooked it, and served it to the police investigators. That would give the food nazis another excuse to ban meat.
For croquet, you could always opt for flamingos, but then the British SPCA would get involved.
I thought it was a classic episode of Tales of the Unexpected, the classic 1970’s/1980’s British show, introduced by and written by Roald Dahl.