One major issue for women is what I call, “The Great Lie.”
We’re taught that we’re supposed to ‘have it all’. A great career and a well-adjusted family. This is the goal of most girls. (Although this is what they feel they *should* do, not what they really want. I read a study last year that showed that the majority of young women would choose to be SAHMs.)
So girls hold off on marriage and child-bearing. Not realizing that fertility begins to drop at age 28 and plunges rapidly after that.
A girl who marries under 22 without a college degree is scorned. A woman who gets her degree, then marries and stays home with the children is considered to be ‘wasting her degree’. Add to that the student loan burden she’s now carrying into her marriage and you’ve got instant financial problems.
The fact is that it takes time and energy to raise children. Working moms feel horrible guilt for having someone else raise her kids, but doesn’t feel like she has much of a choice.
Add to all of that the difficulty of finding a man who’s willing to marry and support a wife and children and it gets harder still. (Heck, in this economy, it’s hard to find a guy who CAN support a wife and children.) The high divorce rate gives her a sense of insecurity. She knows that she can find herself on her own - with small children depending on her alone - any time.
So women wait too long or they limit the size of their family to what they can realistically manage while working.
And one more thing: Modern parenting is insane. The expectations that your little darlings will NEVER be unattended or get into the smallest bit of trouble is daunting. Even a 14 year old getting hurt when left at home raises eyebrows. “Why weren’t you watching him?” G-d forbid your son falls out of a tree and breaks his arm.
When my 15 year old daughter fell while rollerblading and broke her arm, they called in social services. It happened in a public place with a hundred witnesses and that’s what saved our butts.
The constant threat of child abuse accusations keep every parent on edge. Lord help you if you’re homeschooling.
Now, we have 4 boys ages 25 to 20 (we are a blended family)... 3 are married. I have 2 d.i.l. that "get" it... the oldest's wife is homeschooling our first grandson while pregnant with our second. Our third oldest (in Afghanistan right now) is married to his high school sweetheart.. they have no children, nor do they want any.
Our second oldest married a girl from New Jersey and they have a 1 year old daughter. When they moved down here to Texas she had A LOT to learn.. first and foremost to cover her heavy cleavage and tramp stamp in mixed company! If I've told her once I've told her a thousand times "DO NOT expect your husband to work all day long and come home and tend to the baby! That is YOUR job as a stay at home mother!" Needless to say, it's been pretty rough on her as she apparently grew up around libs and has a really hard time understanding that no, around here women take care of the home, not husbands.... I don't go to their house anymore... the filth unnerves me.
All that being said... when our youngest went to live with his dad after high school for a while and empty nest set in, I got a dog (first one ever for me).. he was a rescue. I fell in love with him and having him to "take care of" definitely made the empty nest easier. Then a few months later we got him a companion (female puppy) and now they are inseparable. Yes, I do dress her in cute little outfits and spoil them and love them dearly - they are a lot of fun! People in the neighborhood stop and look and say "hi" or laugh when we are out walking if they have on their rain boots or coats or if the female is wearing one of her little dresses or if she's in the stroller (she has heat related issues and passes out if it's hot) while the other is walking. I fashioned them up little lights for their harnesses so when we are walking in the dark they can be seen by cars and so I can find the female.. she's black after all. I really think it's a toss up as to whether or not they think I'm crazy or just enjoy seeing two spoiled dogs.
And to think I used to make fun of "those" kind of dog owners.... now I'm one too.
“When my 15 year old daughter fell while rollerblading and broke her arm, they called in social services. It happened in a public place with a hundred witnesses and that’s what saved our butts.”
My oldest kid hurt himself in such a way that DPS could be called in. I was ready split town, drive 250 miles, and have my wife take him in (while I stayed at a hotel) - under the assumption that it’s much, much, less likely that they would have opened a case on her.
Wound up being a dislocation and it worked its way back in after a few hours...so we never took him in (even though he was screaming in pain the whole time).
I always thought my reaction was paranoid back then...I guess it wasn’t.