[xzins]

WASHINGTON STATE ATTORNEY SEASON AND BAG LIMITS

1300.01 General

1.Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.
2.Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
3.Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
4.It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
5.It shall be unlawful to shout “whiplash”, “ambulance”, or “free Perrier” for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
6.It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
7.It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
8.It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
9.If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.
10.Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.
11.It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

Bag Limits

1. Yellow Bellied Sidewinder 2

2. Two-faced Tort Feasor 1

3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator 4

4. Big-mouthed Pub Gut 2

5. Honest Attorney EXTINCT

6. Cut-throat 2

7. Back-stabbing Whiner 2

8. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser 2

9. Silver-tongued Drug Defender $100 BOUNTY

10. Hairy Civil Libertarian 7

[xzins]

A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?”.

“Sure do,” replied the bartender.

“Good,” said the man. “Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my ‘gator.”

[P-Marlowe]

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"