You make some valid points, so what do you want to see done, and please keep your answer within the realm of things that have a snowballs chance of actually happening.
I can fantasize about what I’d like to see done, but when it comes to a strategic comment, which mine was, I defer to the possible, or even the likely.
I also tire of people who can’t decide if they want to battle this on moral grounds, or whether they want to get all caught up in Federal pensions and stuff like that.
I would propose the following laws:
1) A federal law which would refuse to recognize any same sex or other deviant marriage (such as polygamy or incest) for any purpose of receiving or qualifying for any Federal benefit or benefit program such as social security, pensions, military pensions, survivor benefits, etc.
2) A federal law that would make any same sex or other deviant marriage that is performed in one state automatically void in all other states regardless of whether or not the other state recognizes or solemnizes such deviant marriages.
3) A Federal law which would make all same sex marriages or other deviant marriages void if performed in any US Territory or protectorate or any military base or any country in which the United States has a military presence.
4) A federal law prohibiting members of the military from entering into any same sex or other deviant marriage and making any such marriage not only void but also grounds for dishonorable discharge.
We could start with these.
These are not outside the realm of possibility. Remember even California voted to outlaw homosexual and other deviant marriages. That was just a couple of years ago. I still see bumper stickers on priuses being driven by homos calling for "no" on prop 8. They are not going to give up so easily. Neither should we.