Posted on 12/03/2012 5:43:28 AM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Amid the media frenzy over Tiger Woods and Bengals receiver Chris Henry, a key aspect of both stories slipped through the cracks: Like millions of other men, Woods and Henry were -- allegedly at least -- the victims of domestic violence perpetrated by their wives or girlfriends. Beyond its brutal physical and psychological costs, domestic violence against men exacts a cruel economic toll at the personal, societal and national levels.For the most part, the media, authorities and average citizens see domestic violence as a crime that is committed by men and victimizes women. Consequently, funding to combat the problem has overwhelmingly been spent on programs that support women.
Widely Ignored Problem
And yet, more than 200 survey-based studies show that domestic violence is just as likely to strike men as women. In fact, the overwhelming mass of evidence indicates that half of all domestic violence cases involve an exchange of blows and the remaining 50% is evenly split between men and women who are brutalized by their partners.
Part of the reason that this problem is widely ignored lies in the notion that battered males are weak or unmanly. A good example of this is the Barry Williams case: Recently, the former Brady Bunch star sought a restraining order against his live-in girlfriend, who had hit him, stolen $29,000 from his bank account, attempted to kick and stab him and had repeatedly threatened his life.
It is hard to imagine a media outlet mocking a battered woman, but E! online took the opportunity to poke fun at Williams, comparing the event to various Brady Bunch episodes. Similarly, when Saturday Night Live ran a segment in which a frightened Tiger Woods was repeatedly brutalized by his wife, the show was roundly attacked -- for being insensitive to musical guest Rihanna, herself a victim of domestic violence.
Lack of Research
Sometimes it is impossible to ignore the problem, but when domestic violence against men turns deadly -- as in the case of actor Phil Hartman -- the focus tends to shift to mental illness. The same can be said of the Andrea Yates case, which many pundits presented as the story of how an insensitive husband can drive a wife to murder.
Much of the information on domestic violence against men is anecdotal, largely because of the lack of funding to study the problem. Although several organizations explore domestic violence, the biggest single resource is the Department of Justice, which administers grants through its Office on Violence Against Women.
For years, the DOJ has explicitly refused to fund studies that investigate domestic violence against men. According to specialists in this field, the DOJ recently agreed to cover this problem -- as long as researchers give equal time to addressing violence against women.
First National Study
Researchers Denise Hines and Emily Douglas recently completed the first national study to scientifically measure the mental and social impact of domestic violence on male victims. Interestingly, their research was funded by the National Institutes of Mental Health, not the DOJ. Not only does this demonstrate the lack of resources for researchers of this issue, but it also suggests that male battering is perceived as a mental health issue, not a crime.
This decriminalization of domestic violence against men affects research conclusions. While survey-based studies have found that men and women commit domestic violence in equal numbers, crime-based studies show that women are far more likely to be victimized. This inconsistency begins to make sense when one considers that man-on-woman violence tends to be seen through a criminal lens, while woman-on-man violence is viewed more benignly.
A recent 32-nation study revealed that more than 51% of men and 52% of women felt that there were times when it was appropriate for a wife to slap her husband. By comparison, only 26% of men and 21% of women felt that there were times when it was appropriate for a husband to slap his wife. Murray Straus, creator of the Conflict Tactics Scale and one of the authors of the study, explained this discrepancy: "We don't perceive men as victims. We see women as being more vulnerable than men."
Kneed In The Groin
This trend becomes particularly striking when one considers the 1996 case of Minnesota Vikings quarterback Warren Moon, who tried to restrain his wife after she threw a candlestick at his head and kneed him in the groin. Subsequently charged with spousal abuse, he was only acquitted after his wife admitted that she attacked him -- and that her wounds were self-inflicted. Ironically, her admission of fault did not result in charges being brought against her.
While Moon's trial was particularly high profile, his situation is actually very common. In fact, studies have found that a man who calls the police to report domestic violence is three times more likely to be arrested than the woman who is abusing him.
The mainstream perception of domestic violence also impacts the resources that are available to battered men. For example, the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women, the only national toll-free hot line that specializes in helping male victims of domestic violence, has faced numerous roadblocks in its search for funding. In Maine, where the helpline is based, the surest route to funding is through membership in the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence.
On A Shoestring
But, according to Helpline director Jan Brown, the Coalition refused to even issue the program an application for membership, effectively denying it access to funding. Today, 45 Helpline volunteers field 550 calls per month, 80% of which are from men or people who are looking for help on behalf of a man. Operating with a yearly budget of less than $15,000, it provides intensive training to its workers and offers victims housing, food, bus tickets and a host of other services.
The Helpline's sheltering services are informal and ad hoc, largely because its lack of access to funding makes a shelter financially impossible. In fact, of the estimated 1,200 to 1,800 shelters in the U.S., only one -- the Valley Oasis shelter in Antelope Valley, Calif. -- provides a full range of shelter services to men. And, on average, less than 10% of OVW funds allocated to fight domestic violence are used to help men.
For male victims of domestic violence, the legal system can become another tool for abuse. As in the Moon case, battered men are often likely to find themselves arrested, even when they are the ones who call the police. And, even after the arrest, the process of incarceration, restraining orders, divorce court and child custody hearings continue to disadvantage men.
A High Cost
Restraining orders are a particularly difficult hurdle. Radar Services, a watchdog organization, estimates that approximately 85% of the roughly 2 million temporary restraining orders that are issued every year are made against men. In many states, the requirements for an order are exceedingly vague: In Oregon, for example, a "fear" of violence is sufficient for a restraining order, while Michigan issues them to protect family members against "fear of mental harm."
But there's nothing vague about the effect of restraining orders: They often turn men out of their homes, deny them access to children and result in further personal costs as millions of men have to find new places to live, hire lawyers and pay other expenses. For some men, as Hines and Brown point out, the legal system gives abusive wives and girlfriends tools to continue attacks even after their relationships end.
As Straus notes, "The preponderance of [domestic violence] resources should be made available to women. They are injured more often, are more economically vulnerable, and are often responsible for the couple's children. That having been said, more resources need to be made available to men."
There is no doubt that domestic violence against men can be reduced; the domestic violence initiatives of the past 40 years have brought a hidden crime to light and provided protection for millions of women. The next step is to admit that domestic violence is not a male or female problem, but rather a human problem, and that a lasting solution must address the cruelty -- and suffering -- of both sexes.
The article clearly states that women commit half of domestic violence. FBI crime stats also support that.
Crawl back into your hole and never bother anybody again, numbnuts.
She had it coming...and she will tell you she did. And it was a spanking, not a beating.
She was immature and out of control. Her parents had allowed her to do whatever she wanted.
What was next? Drugs? Extra marital sex? A DUI?
Her mother smacked her father around and belittled him all the time. Her husband wasn’t going to live like that.
My kids all got spanked. And no, that is not abuse. Her husband’s philosophy was “you act like a child, you get treated like one.”
My grandfather spanked my grandmother, and my father-in-law adjusted my mother-in-laws attitude more than once.
I believe it was common practice pre-feminism.
Both of those marriages lasted over 50 years.
Do I agree with the practice?
I don’t know…I do know my friend’s marriage has lasted and they treat each other like newlyweds….to the point we tell them to stop and go get a room.
I do know her husband was right to put a stop to her reckless behavior that endangered both her safety and their marriage and family.
I lived with a woman like this for 8 years... my ex-wife.
She would slap and punch when she got mad at me for just about anything... she wasn't a drug or alcohol users, she was just an immature person who refused to make any effort to control herself. Oddly enough, she never laid a finger on the kids or anyone else for that matter so I know it was more of a selective thing.
Having said all that, as a real man (something we all want to see ourselves as), it's a catch-22 situation. You can't hit back and at best, you can block the punches. If you hit back or grab, you go to jail for domestic violence... but if you do nothing, you're a damned sissy for getting beat up by a girl. you don't want to call the cops because the kids, no matter how you view it, need their mother at home. Even if you DO call the police, you take the risk of going to jail yourself at the hand of a lying woman.
I just want everyone to consider the tough situation this can be for a guy, I lived through it myself for quite a few years and even though you don't necessarily live in fear (I mean, a 110 pound woman v/s a 175 pound man isn't much of a contest), it's still a huge pain in the ass having to deal with it and the associated stigmas.
It is to be believed.
We’re not talking about the majority of women...just the ones who lie to their kids, lawyers, “Friends of the Court”, cops and judges and because a few had gotten away with it in the past, others are willing to try it. The culture is what it is and for some reason, their word is “golden” and so cops and other first responders tend to believe everything the female alleges...guess who automaqtically gets taken away to jail?
You and I will have to agree to disagree. Spanking a child is way different than hitting your spouse IMHO. Plus, it can really frighten and confuse children who witness this type of behavior. Love, honor and respect may mean different things to different folks. Have a good day!
My wife beat me while I was driving and I went unconscious and woke up in the ditch. I was bloody and battered pretty bad. She had always threatened it, and she finally carried through when I had the nerve to suggest she didn’t have what it takes. I knew not to defend myself because it would only make it worse.
The state police were called by another motorist. I lied to protect her, but the police didn’t believe my story and she was proud of what she did, and bragged about it... so she went to jail.
She never forgave me for that and eventually kicked me out.
She got the kids, the house, everything. I make 57K a year, but I am forced to live on less than 10K.
By the way, the psychological abuse was worse than the physical abuse.
I really do not have any motivation to carry on at this point.
The man is assumed guilty..no evidence of violence needed..just her word.
Exactly.
Oh look! A matching bookend to the crime that is child custody.
I have to admit, I had 4 older brothers and they weren’t allowed to hit me so I got away with a lot of stuff.
Well at least you’re objective and not painting all men with the same broad brush. Glad to know that you believe that men deserve physical violence from women under certain conditions. Does it work the other way around, too?
Go back to DU.
These women shelters are staffed by people who tell women tricks to get the guy in trouble when he hasn’t done anything. They coax them to say certain phrases that they can take from a legal standpoint to get the cops involved.
If anyone wants to set up a man, it’s very, very easy to do.
Grabbing the wrists will still leave marks and unless you’re bleeding and worse off, .... This whole system just sucks.
I was the victim of this
My ex called the police and told them I hit her. When I came home they arrested me
THANK GOD I was able to prove I was NOT AT HOME at the time she claimed it happen (or, I should say, one of the 3 different times she gave) Not only was I not at home, but I was in my attorney's office trying to set up a court date on the phone WITH THE JUDGE. so... needless to say, he didn't believe her
BUT
I was arrested, forced to move out of MY HOME (that I owned before we were married) and until the trial- where all charges against me were dismissed and she was arrested for filing a false charge
When I got back INTO MY OWN HOME she and her kids had trashed the place and I found on her computer a web site DEDICATED TO SETTING UP HUSBANDS!!
There are pages with INSTRUCTIONS on how to set up a man. One even was titled “So, Now he's in jail.. Now what?”
I know. One of those phrases is “He’s scaring me!...”
geez... you sound like a liberal woman- what are you doing here?
I am an ultra conservative woman who is sick if men acting like babies and who demands all of them grow a spine, behave and start protecting women and children instead of letting the country be taken over by metrosexuals, homosexuals and worse.
I know about quite a few including my own. My ex-wife, during an argument put a lit cigerette out on my face then when I grabbed her hand as she tried to slap me she called the police, thankfully the officer had a brain in his head and saw my blistering lip, otherwise i would have gone to jail for protecting myself. Of course I didnt tell anyone, she was 100pnds and I am 200. In her mind, I was supposed to just let her hit me and not respond. Besides the burn scar I also have a 3 inch scar on my cheek where a vase broke after she chucked it at me.
Men can and are abused in relationships.
I suppose I could have done more around the house, worked a 3rd job, stupid me, I just thought that she was batsh*t crazy.
BTW, I was a Corpsman with the Marines at the time, working as a barback to pay off my ex’s credit card bills while she sat at home complaining that she didnt have anything to do. I consider myself very masculine. She was the one who need to grow up. If women would allow men to be men life would be much simpler. I suppose your response to a cigarette to the face would be “Take it like a man.”
No, cigarette burns are definite abuse. I know it happens, just not often. Once again, same old song and dance, did you prosecute?
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.