Posted on 12/03/2012 5:43:28 AM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Amid the media frenzy over Tiger Woods and Bengals receiver Chris Henry, a key aspect of both stories slipped through the cracks: Like millions of other men, Woods and Henry were -- allegedly at least -- the victims of domestic violence perpetrated by their wives or girlfriends. Beyond its brutal physical and psychological costs, domestic violence against men exacts a cruel economic toll at the personal, societal and national levels.For the most part, the media, authorities and average citizens see domestic violence as a crime that is committed by men and victimizes women. Consequently, funding to combat the problem has overwhelmingly been spent on programs that support women.
Widely Ignored Problem
And yet, more than 200 survey-based studies show that domestic violence is just as likely to strike men as women. In fact, the overwhelming mass of evidence indicates that half of all domestic violence cases involve an exchange of blows and the remaining 50% is evenly split between men and women who are brutalized by their partners.
Part of the reason that this problem is widely ignored lies in the notion that battered males are weak or unmanly. A good example of this is the Barry Williams case: Recently, the former Brady Bunch star sought a restraining order against his live-in girlfriend, who had hit him, stolen $29,000 from his bank account, attempted to kick and stab him and had repeatedly threatened his life.
It is hard to imagine a media outlet mocking a battered woman, but E! online took the opportunity to poke fun at Williams, comparing the event to various Brady Bunch episodes. Similarly, when Saturday Night Live ran a segment in which a frightened Tiger Woods was repeatedly brutalized by his wife, the show was roundly attacked -- for being insensitive to musical guest Rihanna, herself a victim of domestic violence.
Lack of Research
Sometimes it is impossible to ignore the problem, but when domestic violence against men turns deadly -- as in the case of actor Phil Hartman -- the focus tends to shift to mental illness. The same can be said of the Andrea Yates case, which many pundits presented as the story of how an insensitive husband can drive a wife to murder.
Much of the information on domestic violence against men is anecdotal, largely because of the lack of funding to study the problem. Although several organizations explore domestic violence, the biggest single resource is the Department of Justice, which administers grants through its Office on Violence Against Women.
For years, the DOJ has explicitly refused to fund studies that investigate domestic violence against men. According to specialists in this field, the DOJ recently agreed to cover this problem -- as long as researchers give equal time to addressing violence against women.
First National Study
Researchers Denise Hines and Emily Douglas recently completed the first national study to scientifically measure the mental and social impact of domestic violence on male victims. Interestingly, their research was funded by the National Institutes of Mental Health, not the DOJ. Not only does this demonstrate the lack of resources for researchers of this issue, but it also suggests that male battering is perceived as a mental health issue, not a crime.
This decriminalization of domestic violence against men affects research conclusions. While survey-based studies have found that men and women commit domestic violence in equal numbers, crime-based studies show that women are far more likely to be victimized. This inconsistency begins to make sense when one considers that man-on-woman violence tends to be seen through a criminal lens, while woman-on-man violence is viewed more benignly.
A recent 32-nation study revealed that more than 51% of men and 52% of women felt that there were times when it was appropriate for a wife to slap her husband. By comparison, only 26% of men and 21% of women felt that there were times when it was appropriate for a husband to slap his wife. Murray Straus, creator of the Conflict Tactics Scale and one of the authors of the study, explained this discrepancy: "We don't perceive men as victims. We see women as being more vulnerable than men."
Kneed In The Groin
This trend becomes particularly striking when one considers the 1996 case of Minnesota Vikings quarterback Warren Moon, who tried to restrain his wife after she threw a candlestick at his head and kneed him in the groin. Subsequently charged with spousal abuse, he was only acquitted after his wife admitted that she attacked him -- and that her wounds were self-inflicted. Ironically, her admission of fault did not result in charges being brought against her.
While Moon's trial was particularly high profile, his situation is actually very common. In fact, studies have found that a man who calls the police to report domestic violence is three times more likely to be arrested than the woman who is abusing him.
The mainstream perception of domestic violence also impacts the resources that are available to battered men. For example, the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women, the only national toll-free hot line that specializes in helping male victims of domestic violence, has faced numerous roadblocks in its search for funding. In Maine, where the helpline is based, the surest route to funding is through membership in the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence.
On A Shoestring
But, according to Helpline director Jan Brown, the Coalition refused to even issue the program an application for membership, effectively denying it access to funding. Today, 45 Helpline volunteers field 550 calls per month, 80% of which are from men or people who are looking for help on behalf of a man. Operating with a yearly budget of less than $15,000, it provides intensive training to its workers and offers victims housing, food, bus tickets and a host of other services.
The Helpline's sheltering services are informal and ad hoc, largely because its lack of access to funding makes a shelter financially impossible. In fact, of the estimated 1,200 to 1,800 shelters in the U.S., only one -- the Valley Oasis shelter in Antelope Valley, Calif. -- provides a full range of shelter services to men. And, on average, less than 10% of OVW funds allocated to fight domestic violence are used to help men.
For male victims of domestic violence, the legal system can become another tool for abuse. As in the Moon case, battered men are often likely to find themselves arrested, even when they are the ones who call the police. And, even after the arrest, the process of incarceration, restraining orders, divorce court and child custody hearings continue to disadvantage men.
A High Cost
Restraining orders are a particularly difficult hurdle. Radar Services, a watchdog organization, estimates that approximately 85% of the roughly 2 million temporary restraining orders that are issued every year are made against men. In many states, the requirements for an order are exceedingly vague: In Oregon, for example, a "fear" of violence is sufficient for a restraining order, while Michigan issues them to protect family members against "fear of mental harm."
But there's nothing vague about the effect of restraining orders: They often turn men out of their homes, deny them access to children and result in further personal costs as millions of men have to find new places to live, hire lawyers and pay other expenses. For some men, as Hines and Brown point out, the legal system gives abusive wives and girlfriends tools to continue attacks even after their relationships end.
As Straus notes, "The preponderance of [domestic violence] resources should be made available to women. They are injured more often, are more economically vulnerable, and are often responsible for the couple's children. That having been said, more resources need to be made available to men."
There is no doubt that domestic violence against men can be reduced; the domestic violence initiatives of the past 40 years have brought a hidden crime to light and provided protection for millions of women. The next step is to admit that domestic violence is not a male or female problem, but rather a human problem, and that a lasting solution must address the cruelty -- and suffering -- of both sexes.
If mental anguish were a crime most women would be criminals...lol
Men are hit with restraining orders every single day for emotional abuse if it causes them “fear”. They are often arrested too on the same basis. It’s a standard part of the dirty tricks package for some divorce lawyers.
...because not being reported.
There is nothing to help any straight male targets. Men who seek help will lose the children and will be seen as having a mental problem.
The easiest targets are men who treat women with respect. ie you don’t hit a girl etc.
oooooooooooooooooh scawy. If they behaved and stayed zipped up, they wouldn’t have any problems, also if they would not get wasted, pick up their socks and underwear maybe they wouldn’t get “the look” and maybe they would get lucky more often which seems to be all they care about anyway. Oh and enough with the porn
Yeah, I’ll explain, just give me 100K or so of taxpayer money and I’ll research the issue for you, that’s what these “researchers” want.
If the emergency rooms saw enough of this stuff, you know it would be out there. But no, it’s women and children that show up beaten and bruised and cigarette burned.
Don’t argue. Easy. Don’t insist on your way or the highway, it’s that easy.
and how pray tell is he “paying the bills” when he is in jail?
How does he pay the bills while in jail, or after losing the job bacause he missed work before he could bond out? The court doesn’t worry about that, they just hold him responsible for coming up with the money.
If he doesn’t, thats contempt of court. And a warrant out for him.
Indeed, I know at least two men who were in abusive marriages.
Whatever...are you refuting my claim that some women are practiced at this kind of deception and that they often get away with it? The circumstances surrounding each case will likey vary but it’s pretty much the same set of tactics and stategy.
According to some, those guys should have picked up their socks, not been drunks, not cheated, looked at porn, etc. Otherwise, women would never go psycho. Everybody knows that!
I don't know. I remember in MA, there was a big push for clemency for women that with forethought and calculation, murdered a spouse in cold blood and then claimed "fear for life", while not being in imminent danger.
The RINO governor(s) caved in many, if not all cases, seven or more, iirc.
“some women are practiced at this kind of deception”
It’s rampant. They discuss it with each other openly, and advise each other what to do and say. I’ve known a few very decent women who were shocked at the advice they were given by other women during some earlier divorce.
“A member of our family had his life nearly ruined by a vengeful druggie wife who falsely accused him of violence. It took many months of legal fees to fight off the charges even though she was sent to jail twice for drugs and embezzlement.
Finally he got sole custody of the kids and then it took another year to get the restraining order on him removed.
Women/wives now have the power to ruin the life of any man..with no evidence with one phone call to 911 and one court appearance for a restraining order.
The man is assumed guilty..no evidence of violence needed..just her word.”
Just horrible. I lived with an alcoholic “borderline” girlfriend for about a year. One of the worst times in my life by far. Thousands of dollars later in legal fees, I finally got her out of my house and life.
Its been a long road back but I’m putting the pieces of my life back together. Emotional abuse is one of the worst forms of domestic violence out there.
I have a girl friend who was raised without much discipline and rules. Her mother was mean and walked all over the dad.
My friend got married to a really good guy but he was raised to be the “head of the home” (and yes, he loved his wife as Christ loved the church).
Shortly after they married, she got a speeding ticket (a BIG one) and he confronted her, not because of the ticket, but because she could have killed herself and/or others. This wasn’t her first ticket by a long shot.
After a loud discussion, he told her he was taking the keys to her car until she could learn to slow it down. They lived on a bus line and he told her to use that to get to work.
She hauled off and slugged him in the mouth and then tried to scratch his face.
Now, he was 6’4 and a big muscular guy, she was 5’2 and petite. He could have knocked her out with one hit.
Instead, he picked her up, put her over his knee, and busted her behind like she was a kid. I know, the feminazi’s would have had a fit.
He told her he wasn’t going to tolerate that kind of behavior, nor was he going to allow her to jeopardize their marriage, or put herself in danger.
This happened 24 years ago. Their 25th anniversary is in January.
That was her last speeding ticket, and her last attempt at physical violence, in all those years.
From what I understand, it WASN’T her last trip to her hubs woodshed.
I wouldn’t have believed this story if she hadn’t told me herself.
“If a man has been raised to never hit a woman and a woman beats on him, most won’t hit back.”
How true. `Never hit the girl.’ Instead, do like Frank Drebin, parry and grab both her wrists when she tries to smack you.
(Then she’ll get you with that third hand)
;^)
Know of this happening, man wouldn’t report it until his wife beat him within an inch of his life with a baseball bat. Even then he was forced to report it.
I saw a very good example back in 1982. I was a first sergeant at the time and one of my young soldiers had been arrested for domestic violence a couple times. Our CO wanted to court martial him and kick him out. The Army was making a big thing of violence against women at the time, it was right up there with drinking alcohol.
I knew the young man and couldn’t believe he’d ever hit his wife. I rode to his home one Saturday with a 6-pack to check things out. His wife was a cute little thing with very pale skin. When she saw I was there only to talk to her husband she got mad – she was being ignored. She went off and started yelling and throwing things. He said we should leave. She stood in front of the door and blocked our way. He held her arms and pulled her away from the door, we left and talked in the front yard. A couple minutes later cops shoed up, tased him and arrested him for domestic violence. His wife had bruises on her arms. I was threatened if I interfered.
I gave the CO a full report, he said he’d consider it. A week later at my morning formation another wife showed up, I told her to leave but she stormed into my formation and started beating on her husband. The CO believed me.
“What about psychological abuse? When, in every “argument” the wife threatens to call the police and take the children away”
That is by far more of the problem then physical abuse. Also, demeaning everything the husband does on a daily bases.
Maybe I am reading your post wrong. However, you wrote, “that was her last speeding ticket, and her last attempt at physical violence. It WASN’T her last trip to her hubs woodshed”. Probably just me... it sounds like he hit his wife during their 25 years of marriage.. she just learned not to hit back? Just my two cents worth but I have raised my kids to not believe in spouses hitting each other. Either sex.. However, I have also told my girls that if a man hits you once during the dating/courtship/marriage... he’ll hit you all his life.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.