Don't fall for passive-aggressive tactics. When he goads you, you can calmly deflect this subtle warfare -- such as:
• Nicely ask the other guest whose ear he was bending to come into the kitchen and help you with something.
• Or trust that the forewarned guest would eventually change the subject.
• Or change the subject yourself -- "How about a nice game of Twister, everyone?"
• Or ask him to take out the garbage.
• Or say, sweetly, "Hey, thanks for coming to the dinner time. I know the kids appreciated it. Is there anything else I can get you before you go?"
Obviously, this is Monday-morning quarterbacking from a "veteran."
Maybe you don't really want the divorce. If you think you're still in love with love, sit down with paper and pen and write down all the pros and cons, and what it would realistically take to have him back, such as forgiving certain things and tolerating other things and giving up other things forever. It will clarify the difference between loving the dream of being married and loving the reality of the person whom you married.
After I made my list, I could see why I shouldn't keep mourning the past. When the offspring were still young, I used to have to re-read my "list" after almost every time I had to interact with my ex. Finally I don't even need it any more.
You may decide you still have a chance. If he has turned liberal, and if alcohol is a part of the picture with one or both of you, it's not likely; but if you really want it all back, learn techniques to deal with his unique quirks.
LOL! Thank you for your very kind suggestions. The divorce was fifteen years ago, and though I resisted strongly, that’s all water under the bridge now. We will always be fond of each other in a non-romantic way, and usually have a very peaceable, productive relationship. But nononono, there is no possibility of getting back together, for a variety of excellent reasons, among which is that he is now remarried, that I am now serious about my faith, and that I would pay cash to avoid seeing him naked again.
There was and is no alcohol involved, only ego.
I used to deal with him in the ways that you and the experts suggest, but all that calm, civilized behavior meant he didn’t get nailed to the wall for it, and continued. But now I will not tolerate it at all. I so very, very rarely blow my stack that when I do, it works wonders.
The guest to whom he was trying to show off his superior intellect is, did he but know it, also a conservative. This guest was highly amused by the ex’s jerkhood and my exceedingly clear and precise delineation of the issues.