“I took Bextra for a whole three days. After that I wanted to end it.”
Good thing you were clear headed enough to think through the thoughts. Many people in your situation find the drugs overwhelm them and they follow through. It’s why so many drugs come with clear instructions that any thoughts to harm yourself must be reported to your doctor immediately.
I had a guy I worked with take drugs for a mental condition and one day took several extra. He didn’t know why. He couldn’t rationalize it. He just did. The thought of sleeping forever was comforting at the time so he just did it in a near sleep state. He cored several times before they got him stable. He actually loves life. It sucks sometimes but he has a great sense of humor and loves being alive, yet, the drugs caused him to desire something totally out of character. He has a great wife and watches for those things in him now.
Suppose I had been in a different situation? What if I had had financial problems, had lost my job, had trouble with my spouse (or a combination, as so often seems to happen)?
In other words, if I had had a 'reason', would I have been able to think it through?
God was looking out for me.
How many others have been in worse situations, with real reasons to be depressed, who have attributed their mental state not to the drugs but to seemingly overwhelming problems?
Fortunately, at the time, I did not have any troubles, and life has taught me that even the most depressing situations are generally temporary.
But that is a skill which comes with experience, and thinking past today takes practice. Sadly, some don't give themselves that chance, and it seems like the younger you are, the more prone you are to give in.