I can see a business opportunity here.
Toxic American Flags, actually unburnable but release
a hilarious noxious cloud of poison gas when set alight.
For export only.
Magic Sparkle US flags.
When set alight, flags give off a shower of white phosporous
sparks. YOu’ll howl with delight as protestors franticly
try to wipe the tenatious burning particles from their
skin. A real crowd pleaser. $49.95
Consumer Reporter: Alright. Fine. Fine. Well, we’d like to show you another one of Mr. Mainway’s products. It retails for $1.98, and it’s called Bag O’ Glass. [ holds up bag of glass ] Mr. Mainway, this is simply a bag of jagged, dangerous, glass bits.
Irwin Mainway: Yeah, right, it’s you know, it’s glass, it’s broken glass, you know? It sells very well, as a matter of fact, you know? It’s just broken glass, you know?
Consumer Reporter: [ laughs ] I don’t understand. I mean, Pakistanis could seriously cut themselves on any one of these pieces!
Irwin Mainway: Yeah, well, look - you know, the average Paki, he picks up, you know, broken glass anywhere, you know? The beach, the street, garbage cans, parking lots, all over the place in any big city. We’re just packaging what they want! I mean, it’s a creative toy, you know? If you hold this up, you know, you see colors, every color of the rainbow! I mean, it teaches them about light refraction, you know? Prisms, and that stuff! You know what I mean?
Consumer Reporter: So, you don’t feel that this product is dangerous?
Irwin Mainway: No! Look, we put a label on every bag that says, “Third Worlders, esp. Pakistanis! Be careful - broken glass!” I mean, we sell a lot of products in the “Bag O’” line.. like Bag O’ Glass, Bag O’ Nails, Bag O’ Bugs, Bag O’ Vipers, Bag O’ Sulfuric Acid. Bag O’ Toxic Flags. They’re decent toys, you know what I mean?”