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I think in both cases, a big part of the issue is that you haven't seen good role models of Christians doing what they are supposed to be doing, and that's our fault.

I grew up in a very strict Christian home and attended Catholic grade school from grades 1-8.

You've shared some stories. Here's one of mine. I could cite hundreds of other sex crimes I've covered over the last quarter-century, up to and including mothers photographing their young daughters having sex with dogs, and the pastor of a very large church being deposed for “gross sexual misconduct” with at least 19 and probably 21 different women in his church.

These are very serious crimes and no sane person thinks these are acceptable..but to compare these examples to 2 couples having premarital sex in a loving, committed relationship is a vast stretch.

I don't know why they have lived together for 35 years and had four kids without getting married, and I don't know why their church has tolerated this situation. but it certainly appears that no matter what their reasons for living together without marrying, a lot of blame belongs to the pastor who has allowed this situation to go on for so many years.

It's none of the pastors business and the arrangement is between the couple and God. Lot of people do way worse sins than living together(that no one knows about) and still go to church. If a pastor started checking people at the door for "sins" the churches would be empty.

As for you examples of the 6, 8 and 9 Commandments who is not against them?? And the seventh as well (adultery).

Early biblical talk about the 7th Commandment related to adultery with people having EXTRAmarital sex. Heck even in early Roman times it was NOT illegal for a husband to have sex with a slave or an unmarried woman. I believe early Judaism did not condemn sex outside a married situation.i.e two unmarried people.

TBH I go back and forth regarding my belief in God but in a nutshell I would think God looks at the whole persons life, how they led it, treated other people, helped people who are less fortunate, and does not sweat the small stuff (couple people getting a little nookie who love each other).