However, I cannot condone Paul Ryan falsifying his marathon-running time. Therefore I am calling upon Ryan, for the good of the country, to step down from the ticket and also resign his congressional seat. I urge Mitt Romney to select somebody else, preferably somebody who has never run a marathon or claimed to run one. I'm thinking Chris Christie. I think Romney is on safe ground with Christie because it is evident to all that Christie is not capable of even running a marathon, so there is no chance of Christie ever embarrassing the ticket by claiming to run a marathon in a given amount of time.
If Romney does not drop Ryan from the ticket by 9AM on Tuesday, then I will yank all Republican political yard signs out of my front lawn and will report to my local Democratic headquarters for further instruction. I will also take my truck to the local beach and fill it up with sand so that I can construct a sand sculpture of Barack Obama in my front yard. Now Obama might be a foreign-born Marxist bent on the destruction of the United States of America, but to my knowledge, he has never lied about his finishing time in a marathon so unless Romney drops the marathon-fudging Paul Ryan, I'm afraid I'm going to have to join the ABR crowd and switch my vote over to Obama.
It sucks and boy, am I depressed about having to display something like the below in my front yard. I hope it rains like hell around here.
