The 2012 Version of the Little Red Hen

Townhall.com ^ | July 13, 2012 | Daniel J. Mitchell

[Kaslin]

In previous posts, I’ve shared the PC version of the story about the ant and the grasshopper, as well as the modern fable about bureaucracy, featuring an ant and a lion. And I’ve also posted a revised version of Green Eggs and Ham.

Now we have a nursery rhyme about the little red hen. But not the old-fashioned version. Here’s the modernized version the President reads to his kids.

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“Who will help me plant my wheat?” asked the little red hen.
“Not I,” said the cow.
“Not I,” said the duck.
“Not I,” said the pig.
“Not I,” said the goose.
“Then I will do it by myself.” She planted her crop and the wheat grew and ripened.

“Who will help me reap my wheat?” asked the little red hen.
“I’m on disability,” said the duck.
“Out of my classification,” said the pig.
“I’d lose my seniority,” said the cow.
“I’d lose my unemployment compensation,” said the goose.
“Then I will do it by myself,” said the little red hen, and so she did.

“Who will help me bake the bread?” asked the little red hen.
“That would be overtime for me,” said the cow.
“I’d lose my welfare benefits,” said the duck.
“I’m a dropout and never learned how,” said the pig.
“If I’m to be the only helper, that’s discrimination,” said the goose.
“Then I will do it by myself,” said the little red hen, and so she did.

The smell of fresh-baked bread attracted all her neighbors. They saw the bread and wanted some. In fact, they demanded a share.

But the little red hen said, “No, I shall eat all the loaves.”

“Excess profits!” cried the cow.
“Capitalist leech!” screamed the duck.
“I demand equal rights!” yelled the goose.
“Share with the 99 percent,” grunted the pig.
And they all painted ‘Unfair!’ picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.

Then the farmer came He said to the little red hen, “You must not be so greedy.”

“But I earned the bread,” said the little red hen.

“Exactly,” said the farmer. “That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are idle.”

And they all lived happily ever after.

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But only in the President’s fairy tale. In a real-world version, the little red hen never again baked bread and the farmyard suffered Greek-style chaos when the animals riding in the wagon suddenly discovered there was nobody left to pull the wagon.

If this fable seems familiar, you may be thinking about the post that used beer to explain the tax system. And if you prefer your irony on the 5th-grade level instead of the 3rd-grade level, here’s a post using two cows to explain various economic and political systems.

[Max in Utah]

LOL, good one! I believed every word of the story, except for this last bit:

And they all lived happily ever after.

[Kaslin]

but that’ how fairy tales end, don’t they? LOL

[Howard Morrison]

MODERN LITTLE RED HEN (another version)

Once upon a time, there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered some grains of wheat. She called her neighbors and said, “If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?”

“Not I,” said Rahm Emanuel the cow.
“Not I,” said Nancy Pelosi the pig.
“Not I,” said Harry Reid the goat.

“Then I will,” said the little red hen, and she did. The wheat grew tall and ripened into golden grain. “Who will help me reap my wheat?” said the little red hen.

“Not I,” said Rahm Emanuel the cow. “Out of my classification.”
“Not I,” said Nancy Pelosi the pig, “I’d lose my seniority.”
“Not I,” said Harry Reid the goat, “I’d lose my unemployment compensation.”

“Then I will,” said the little red hen, and she did.

At last, it came time to bake the bread. “Who will help me bake the bread?” asked the little red hen.

“That would be overtime for me,” said Rahm Emanuel the cow. “Don’t want to work that hard.”
“I’m a drop out and never learned how,” said Nancy Pelosi the pig.
“If I’m the only helper, that’s discrimination,” said Harry Reid the goat.

“Then I will,” said the little red hen. She baked five loaves and held them up for her neighbors to see. They all wanted some – in fact, they demanded a share! But the little red hen said, “No, these loaves are for me and my chicks!”

“Excess profit!” yelled Rahm Emanuel the cow.
“Capitalist leech!” yelled Nancy Pelosi the pig.
“I demand equal treatment!” yelled Harry Reid the goat.

Nancy Pelosi, the pig, grunted and they hurriedly painted “unfair – equal treatment under the law” signs and began to picket the barnyard and shout obscenities at the little red hen.

Then Obama, the donkey, came into the barnyard and said to the little red hen, “you must not be greedy. You must spread the loaves around!”

“But I was an entrepreneur, I worked hard and I earned this bread,” said the little red hen.

“Exactly,” said Obama the donkey. “That is the wonderful free-enterprise system…anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. However, under my imposed barnyard regulations, the productive workers must divide their product with the idle.”

The little red hen’s neighbors wondered why she never again baked bread!

BARNYARD ANIMALS – LIBERALS – SOCIALISTS – MARXIST
ALL SEEM TO BE TIED TOGETHER SOME HOW!

[Invictus]

Socialists, Marxists, PROGRESSIVES, and liberals ARE all tied together. As long as other peoples money lasts. Where is Joe McCarthy when you need him??

[TexasRepublic]

I was hoping for a happier alternative ending —

The Little Red Hen cackled to others in the chicken coop, “To arms, to arms!” and a multitude marched to the mean farmer’s house, where they strung him up from the nearest lamp post. When the frightened lazy animals saw what had happened, they fled that District of Confusion for parts unknown and were never seen again. And everyone in the chicken yard lived happily ever after.