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Grow up: Life Has Trade-offs
Townhall.com ^ | June 26, 2012 | Mona Charen

Posted on 06/26/2012 4:47:34 AM PDT by Kaslin

Anne-Marie Slaughter's eye-catching Atlantic article, "Why Women Still Can't Have It All," is being greeted with a certain reverse snobbery. We've been reminded that the choices and challenges of women with advanced degrees are hardly typical and not the sort of thing that should divert us from the problems of the middle class.

Perhaps. But there are millions of women in the upper middle class and the culture they create and reflect affects everyone. Besides, Slaughter deserves some credit for honesty. As she recounts in the piece, when she mentioned to a friend that she was considering writing that women can't have it all, the friend was adamant: "You can't write that. You, of all people." Slaughter explains: "... such a statement, coming from a high-profile career woman -- a role model -- would be a terrible signal to younger generations ..."

Slaughter, the "first woman director of policy planning at the State Department," had been one of those reliable soldiers in the "mommy wars" who had assured young women that, of course, they could have a satisfying career, a high income, a loving husband and 2.5 ego-gratifying, low-maintenance children whose problems wouldn't intrude when they "sipped champagne" at a "glamorous reception" hosted by President and Mrs. Obama. But she has discovered that the "have-it-all" catechism was a lie. Even with a supportive husband who was willing to "take on the lion's share of parenting ... (while) I was in Washington," she found that she didn't want to be away from her two teenaged sons, particularly when one was having trouble in school.

"Want" is the critical word here. Slaughter made a choice, as adults do. She writes, "I realized that I didn't just need to go home. Deep down, I wanted to go home. I wanted to be able to spend time with my children in the last few years that they are likely to live at home, crucial years for their development into responsible, productive, happy, and caring adults."

Slaughter's wants mirror those of other women (high-earning and otherwise). A 2007 Pew survey found that among working mothers with children 17 and younger, fully 79 percent said that they would prefer part-time (60 percent) or zero (19 percent) work outside the home. Only 21 percent said they would choose full-time employment while their children were young. This was down from 32 percent who preferred to work full time in 1997.

Despite endless repetition by Democrats and feminists, the idea that women earn less than men for the same work is fiction. Single women without children earn just as much, and sometimes more, than comparably qualified young men. Women earn less (over their whole careers) because they choose to. And they choose to because they place more value on child rearing than on money or status.

A better feminist would applaud women for this and stress the incomparable contribution mothers make to society. Instead, feminists define progress as the "first" woman this or that and the degree to which a woman's life parallels a man's. Feminists have been missing what's best about womanhood for decades.

They keep up a relentless drumbeat for "better" (by which they mean government-subsidized) childcare and fret that men don't have to make the same trade-offs. But as Anne-Marie Slaughter found, most women don't want more opportunities to farm out our children. Slaughter wasn't even satisfied to have her own husband be the principal parent. She wanted the kind of relationship with her sons that only time -- and lots of it -- can allow.

Most mothers feel that way, and unlike feminists who find this truth to be embarrassingly retro, we freely affirm that we want to be there for the first words, the first independent ride on a two-wheeler, the Little League games, the school plays, the violin lessons, and the thousand little private jokes, shared confidences, and other intimacies that are some of the sweetest parts of life.

We've seen some of the women who are described as "having it all." We see the glamorous careers, the attention and the prizes. And perhaps we feel a twinge or two of envy. But it's an illusion. Something has to give. Too many exhausted women blame themselves for not being able to be Ruth Bader Ginsberg, June Cleaver and Sally Ride all at the same time. They've been lied to about life, mostly by feminists. Slaughter discovered the truth in time. Many don't.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial
KEYWORDS: children; incomeinequality; parenting; womensrights
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To: Beagle8U
Bullsh*t. In the middle of the 60s and 80s is the 70s, when Nixon cut the gold window and inflation ran riot. It was the 70s inflation that forced 2 income families, not the other way around.

More folks producing more stuff does not create inflation, it usually creates deflation if the money stays stable.

21 posted on 06/26/2012 8:22:13 AM PDT by slowhandluke (It's hard to be cynical enough in this age.)
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To: cornelis

I was afraid someone would read it like that. But the idea is not to oppress anyone, but to protect married couples by bringing back common sense laws that were discarded, such as making adultery unlawful, and discouraging divorce. And the culture needs to change to again make adultery and divorce less socially acceptable.

When a couple gets married, this needs to be respected by the rest of society. Married people need to be seen as “no longer on the market”, and those who try to horn in to their marriage need to be given a firm “no!”, legally if necessary.


22 posted on 06/26/2012 8:30:47 AM PDT by yefragetuwrabrumuy
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To: yefragetuwrabrumuy
I was afraid someone would read it like that. Isn't that the very problem? People don't read the law right? Laws don't generate respect. Or am I missing something?
23 posted on 06/26/2012 9:55:58 AM PDT by cornelis
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To: slowhandluke
Sorry, it started in the mid 60’s and ran to the early 80’s when the bottom fell out of the jobs market.

It wasn't high output that drove the inflation, it was the dual incomes of bloated union wages and the spending spree that resulted from that.

24 posted on 06/26/2012 11:38:42 AM PDT by Beagle8U (Free Republic -- One stop shopping ....... It's the Conservative Super WalMart for news .)
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To: cornelis

Good laws originate from what is called the “social sanction”, which are the unwritten rules created and enforced by the vast majority of society. Written laws hope to codify and rationalize social sanctions so that they are more orderly.

In this case, there needs to be the public realization of the importance of male-female marriage, with the importance it used to have before being discarded for poor reasons. Once this has happened, then the written law will follow.

The law has tacitly admitted that the rationales for marriage were correct, and has tried to duplicate them with ideas like child support. But these are unsatisfactory, compared to the biological benefits of marriage.

Some states have tried to help by creating “covenant marriage”, which is much more difficult to break, but still leaves married couples unprotected from sexual predators who seek to involve themselves with one of the partners.

So, should the activities of serial rapists like Bill Clinton be outlawed? Bill’s motivation is to “fool around” with married women, some willing, some not, then use his power to evade punishment for those things that are still criminal. But his underlying motif is technically legal, that he may try to seduce married women without sanction.


25 posted on 06/26/2012 11:44:23 AM PDT by yefragetuwrabrumuy
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To: Kaslin
I wanted to be able to spend time with my children in the last few years that they are likely to live at home, crucial years for their development into responsible, productive, happy, and caring adults."

Too late, they are not going to hear a word you say if they are over 15 years of age. All they want from a parent at that age is money, cars and for you to not be around!! "The crucial years" are long gone, while you were making 6 figures in the world, someone else raised them.

26 posted on 06/26/2012 2:53:33 PM PDT by thirst4truth (www.Believer.com)
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To: Beagle8U
High output provides for both the higher incomes and for the increased amount of stuff to buy. It can't cause inflation.

Well, maybe it can for a Keynesian economist but they believe all sorts of strange things.

Milton Friedman wrote "Inflation is always and everywhere a monetary phenomenon." Unless those dual income families you complain about were working at the Federal Reserve, what they did had nothing to do with causing inflation.

27 posted on 06/26/2012 5:23:16 PM PDT by slowhandluke (It's hard to be cynical enough in this age.)
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