Just a couple of weeks ago I went to get a haircut.
I was so traumatized by it I shot the barber, but I didn't stop there.
I also killed the barbers entire family, including the dog, which I ate.
Obama 2012!
If you are the kind of guy that your enemies can take you down and cut off your hair by force, and you convince yourself that it just a haircut that you might not have chosen on your own, then you must have the kind of life stories that would excite submissive masochists the world over.