We are going thru this with my father in-law. He has bone cancer and is in constant pain. His wife was a nurse for intensive care patients. She knows what she is doing and it is tough. She is doing hospice at home. They both agreed to let time pass and die peacefully. Medications and all. Just no resuscitation when everything quits.
He is down to about 50% of his weight. Not eating or drinking. He will probably pass within the next few days.
All families have this discussion before hand. At least we did.
Sorry for the loss of the love of your life.
And, I am so sorry for the loss of yours. Do not let the Hospice-trashers cause you and yours any second thoughts.
When my husband refused food and water, I was so blessed to have people around me to explain the why and the how of how death happens.
We must respect what their bodies are telling us, and not interfere with that wisdom, even if it makes us feel heroic, good about ourselves, or whatever.
If we love them, we respect them. We give them what they want, and if they do not want, we do not force ourselves upon them.
We hold their hands, we tell them how much they have mattered to all of us, and we tell them that we will never forget them.
We tell then that it is ok to go when they think they are ready, and that we will sit with them until that time comes. We tell them again and again, how much we appreciate their lives, what they have given to all of us, and how we will love them, warts and all, forever