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Oh where to begin? That old woman survived her son, MAYBE she was not so hot a mother. Borderline personality mothers always charm strangers at first.

NOT every old person was a great person or decent parent.
Abusive and neglectful parents grow old and feel awfully damn sorry for themselves and can look pitiful. But that doesn’t change that they lived a selfish life and treated their kids with no consideration.

I had such a parent and still have.
When some says what you said,

“Her son died before she did, but she never knew, and never talked about him. Her funeral was paid for by the state, and the only people there were my family and a couple folks from the old neighborhood. She was such a good woman, only to be rejected because she ‘lived too long’.”

You cannot say she was such a good woman, you have NO IDEA what kind of life she led, how she treated people when younger, nothing.

My mom died at age 47. I was young and self absorbed but I did get the chance to tell her I loved her. No mom is perfect, but no other mom is YOUR mom. If you can forgive her, please do, and tell her so. Not for her, but for you. Then you will never have to live your life with regrets.

I knew her for over 30 years, and never saw the side of her you describe. My mother knew her for many more years. Her son's wife was a b*tch, always complaining when she visited. They had money, while mother got assistance. A son, who had cerebral palsy, lived with her until he died. There is more to the story than I related, but being a nasty mother is not part of it.

I am quite aware of bad mothers, who become lonely in their old ages. I worked with the elderly off and on for years, and saw the good and bad. My instance was one story, not generalization. I'm sorry about you having a bad parent, but these kind are the exception, not the rule. I hope you can be a better person and forgive your parent, whether she wants it or not.