These bloodythirsty Vikings are not only well-armed terrorists, they are also masters of disguise; dialect; mis-direction. So successful are they in this cop-fooling ruse de guerre that their vile depredations are commonly blamed on other ethnic groups that are completely innocent! Innocent, I say!
Take a bite out of crime, Windy City Citizens. Report any missing lutefisk shipments IMMEDIATELY to your local police and Sheriff. Carefully track burglaries of costume shops. Check your local Public Library (sorry LIE-berry) for overdue language and dialect tapes. Contact The Avon Ladies to make sure none of them have been mugged and robbed. Ditto Wig shoppes. Also look for strange lights at night at Lutheran Church Halls. (That is where these fiends congregate to get stoked on lutefisk, akvavit, and Viking lore stuff. It is where they plan their heists!
If you spot one of these wild Norwegians in their trademark bulky sweaters, DO NOT APPROACH. Call Rahm Emanuel.
Just outlaw the lutefisk and the problem goes away.
Brother! Does You Believe!