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There is a classic American humor short story about a man traveling the Orient, who is poking around a little store and sees a dusty black pint bottle.

He asks the store owner what it is, and is told that it is a special medicine. When a teaspoon is given to a dog once a week, it will make their tongue shrink, and they will be able to talk. And when you want the dog to stop talking, you just stop giving them the elixir, its tongue will go back to normal, and it won’t be able to talk any more.

The man thought the tale was a hoot, so he bought the bottle, which was surprisingly inexpensive.

Back in the states, the man kept thinking about the elixir, so decided to give dose to his large and friendly, if not too bright dog. The dog swallowed it right down, and the man heard a muffled sound from the dog’s mouth.

“Wow! That stings!”, said the dog. The man was amazed and just stood there, until the dog said, “Close your mouth, stupid, your breath stinks and you look like a moron!”

“You can talk!”, the man exclaimed. “No ****, replied the dog. How long did it take you to figure that out, you dummy?”

Well, soon the man learned that his dog not only could talk, but talked a lot. And most of what the dog said were insults, rude and obscene, and he soon learned that his dog disliked him intensely, and said thing just to annoy him.

Then one day he came home to find his girlfriend had dropped by, and she was enraged at him. “Your dog told me that you have been cheating on me!”, she screamed before stomping out. That was the final straw.

This made him remember that the storekeeper had very clearly said, “*When* you want your dog to stop talking, not *if*”. So when it came time for the dog’s weekly dose, he didn’t give it to him.

Within a few minutes, the dog’s tongue again grew to normal size, he lost the ability to speak, and regained his happy and stupid dog composure, even jumping up and licking him on the face.