The only true connection is the biological connection?? Not sure what you mean here.
Yes, biology does matter. And that is why open adoptions are so popular now, children deserve to know their heritage. But that in no way negates the adoption connection. Once a parent adopts a child, that child is theirs just THE SAME as a birth child.
That is an emotional connection, not a physical connection. As such, and unfortunate as this sounds, it can be broken, just as the marriage connection can be broken, friends can fall apart, and lovers turn to enemies.
Biology is biology. You can’t “un-make” the biological connection. You have the genes of your biological mother, and biological father. Nothing you do will ever change that. IT’s not something you choose, you can’t “unchoose it”. It’s not emotional, it’s not something that will ever go away. You will ALWAYS be the biological product of your biological parents.
That is what I mean by “the only true connection”.
You could argue that the mere act of raising a child from an infant is likely to create an emotional bond that “cannot” be broken, but there is no way to know that. What we do know, anecdotally, is that adopted children tend to seek out their biological parents, and often talk about the “bond” they feel on first meeting those parents.
But that is just feeling; the biological connection itself is the reality. The question is whether there is something inherent in humanity that makes the biological connection also an emotional one. Does the wiring of the brain as controlled by your genetic structure make you predisposed to relate in a special way to your biological parents? I don’t know, but I wouldn’t rule it out.
More anecdote in place of evidence... When we hear of parents abusing their children, we are often less shocked when we learn that the children were adopted. Somehow, we just “suspect” that biological parents would be less likely to abuse their own children than foster or adoptive parents would. Moreso step parents, which we often suspect first when there is some abuse.
There is something “special” about the biological connection, especially between a mother and her daughter — that thing which would make the mother lay down her life for her daughter. I suspect, but cannot prove, that if you had 100 biological mothers, and 100 surrogates, and told the 200 of them that because of problems with pregnancy, they would die in childbirth, and to choose whether to accept that or abort, that most of the 100 biological mothers would choose to die, and most of the 100 surrogates would choose to abort.
Less likely, but still I suspect — if you had 100 10-year-olds, and asked the same question, I would expect more biological mothers to be willing to die for their children than non-biological mothers. But that is pure speculation.
Anyway, that’s what I mean. I find that when I discuss this, adoptive parents, including parents who used sperm or egg donors, often get upset at my assigning them “second class” status. I’m sorry, but I can’t argue that this is not exactly what I am saying — the biological bond I believe IS the most natural, best parentage for a child, and all other arrangements are less desirable to one degree or another, no matter how well they may work in specific instances, or how often you find exceptions where biological parents are evil.