Secret document reveals why BMW drivers are asshats

Jalopnik ^

[Impala64ssa]

A leaked document has revealed that the asshattery of BMW drivers may be more than coincidence. Failing to use turn signals, cutting off other drivers, tailgating, flipping the bird and other affronts to road civility have become indelibly associated with the Bavarian Marque. Why? According to the document, it's all part of a totally illegal customer loyalty scheme.

This template document, issued to all BMW dealers (click the image below to expand), comes to us from an anonymous informant known only as "The Whistleblower." It clearly outlines a list of driving behaviors, recorded on the black boxes that have been standard on all new BMWs for several years now and translated into points.

Accumulated points can then be traded for the kind of fabulous prizes middle management Bimmer drivers most covet, such as anger management classes and male botox injections.

[Moonman62]

OK, you are busted. You are one of those drivers that drive slow in the fast lane. Admit it. You can't fool us.

I stay in the appropriate lane, but I've driven a lot of miles and done a lot of observing. I've heard a few NASCAR drivers say they feel safer on the track than on the highway.

[ConorMacNessa]

I congratulate you for acting contra the stereotype. I also drive conservatively and courteously in my chariot, a KIA Sedona minivan. I am dismayed at how infrequently my acts of courtesy are reciprocated, regardless of the marque. In the Metro D.C. area it seems the typical driver is aggressive, unskilled and in a colossal hurry. When you compound this with a little snow, sheer anarchy results.

Etiam non princeps sed usque ad genua, Principis Pacis!

[Moonman62]

Even worse, when the light does turn green (a green arrow allowing the turners to go first), and you're in line for the left turn, seconds go by before the first one makes the turn, and then more seconds go by for the second one. The light is red again before you can even move the first time. Bah!

Those nappers are the same ones who cut in front of you a minute before.

[ladyjane]

There is so much class envy on this forum. People hate their banker, their landlord, their mortgage company and BMW owners. Very strange for what is supposed to be a conservative forum.

[Mountain Bike Vomit Carnage]

I will admit that I did see a couple in a Bimmer park diagonally in a straight-in parking slot and take up two spaces. I left a note on his window that did call him an A-hole parker and that it was really quite sad and unnecessary since we was only in a 3-series.

Ooooh burn!

[skinkinthegrass]

*cue-up/*
BEEP! BEEP! MY CAR GOES BEEP! BEEP!
*/cue-up* by the playmates

[skinkinthegrass]

thanks; for the warning, officer. I
:-D

[jimt]

Class envy isn’t healthy. If BMW and Mercedes owners really get to you why don’t you just turn off your computer and go out and make some money.

Irritation at bad manners is not remotely related to envy. Driving a nice 'Vette or other hot rod, THAT'S envy ! A porcupine car is not.

[JimRed]

BEEP! BEEP! MY CAR GOES BEEP! BEEP!

While riding in my Cadillac, much to my surprise
a little Nash Rambler pulled up beside me, about one third my size
He must have wated to pass me up, for he kept on tooting his horn; (BEEP BEEP)
I'll show this fellow a Cadillac is not a car to scorn!

Beep beep, beep beep, his horn went beep beep beep!

(From memory; your lyrics may vary!)

[Arrowhead1952]

How about the idiots who use turn signals when there is no need for one. Such as they are in a place where they have to make a turn.

I guess you are talking about left and right turn lanes. There was an incident in Austin not long ago where a APD officer gave a ticket to someone who was in a turn lane. He quoted a law that says you must use a turn signal whenever you make ANY change in direction.

[Arrowhead1952]

I got into a duel with another driving my family up from Virgina to Massachusetts for Christmas in 1987. On a lonley stretch of the NJ Turnpike in the dead of night, I’m in cruise control in my ‘86 Astro doing a comfortable 65 MPH (speed limit 55) minding my own business.

Several years ago, I was coming from the DFW area back to Austin and came up behind a long line of vehicles - all driving about 65 MPH. I stayed in the fast lane and one by one they moved right to let me pass.

I finally saw the reason. A DPS trooper in the right lane doing a rolling roadblock and nobody wanted pass him. I finally got to the front, passed him and put the cruise on 70 MPH. One by one the others did the same.

[skinkinthegrass]

yhea... that’s on youtube..couldn’t link it
Gave all info. for linkage.

[Scarpetta]

I find when this happens to me, it’s because the driver behind me is using my car as a pace car so he can talk on the phone without slowing his pace.

[dennisw]

I meant more for right turns.....left turns you (I) signal as a courtesy and warning even if I am in a lane that can only turn left

[Jonty30]

Well, I’m not to care about another’s car or house.

I only made the point that there is truth behind the perception that rich people do act as jerks and why psychologists think that is so, because they (well off people) aren’t as dependent upon the need for social graces to get through the day.

It wasn’t a shot at being wealthy.

[Blagden Alley]

Not officer. Just a Saab driver.

When I buy from TireRack, I check “spriited” personality type.

[Right Wing Assault]

There are a lot of people with very slow reactions. (Also, texting on the phone helps.) Every move they make has a three-second delay. Even on the straightaway, they wait until the car in front of them is about 50 feet ahead before they gently press on their gas pedal.

[ladyjane]

You do realize that those ‘psychologists’ at Berkeley are heavily invested in the inequality paradigm. Their so-called rich subjects are students at state universities who don’t consider themselves poor. Plus their “subjects from relatively upper-class backgrounds tend to believe economic inequality is caused more by talent and effort than by external factors.”

You know what? Inequality *is* caused by unequal talent and effort and these university researchers aren’t exactly disinterested, objective parties.

[Jonty30]

Of course, but so does everybody else, including yourself or myself. :)

But I’m more interested in the aspect of why people might act badly and not everything is a case of class warfare. Some people do get jealous of people who are more fortunate in life, but some people who are more fortunate do also treat the less fortunate badly. Those are realities in life.

[MasterGunner01]

You say you want courtesy, respect, and immediate cooperation and compliance? Then get yourself a CobraViper. The ultimate urban vehicle is built by a Butler, PA veteran-owned business by the name of Ibis Tek.

CobraViper starts out as your typical full size SUV and then the magic begins. A 3-axis retractable .50 Browning M2HB machine gun or a Mk 19 Mod 3 automatic 40mm grenade launcher or an M249B 7.62 NATO General Purpose Machine Gun. The gun is controlled from a laptop sized control console that fits into the glove box and joysticks. Armored glass and body armor us fitted; the armor is proof against 7.62x54R Armor Piercing bullets.

You can fire on the move or stopped. The remote gun mounting has a low light level TV and forward looking infrared sights combined with a ballistic computer to put rounds on target, accurately. Put the cross hairs on target and squeeze the rounds or bursts off.

Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo0IAWR4PMY&feature=related