Posted on 10/28/2011 5:09:34 AM PDT by Kaslin
Kate Bolick stares out at the world from the cover of The Atlantic magazine. She's wearing a black lace evening dress. "What, Me Marry?" asks the headline. She isn't smiling.
In fact, she isn't smiling in any of the photos that accompany her several thousand-word essay on singleness, marriage and the changing nature of dating and mating in America today. Bolick, 38, is groping toward accepting the idea that she may never marry. She badly wants to convince herself -- and us -- that older ideas about "unhappy" spinsters are silly cultural baggage best dropped off at the curb. And yet, there are those glamour shots -- Bolick behind the wheel wearing a fetching red dress; Bolick in a gold evening gown holding a glass of champagne; Bolick in a black cocktail dress -- but her expressions range from pensive to sad -- never happy.
Bolick seems genuinely conflicted about marriage. The daughter of a committed feminist, she marched off to third grade "in tiny green or blue T-shirts declaring: A WOMAN WITHOUT A MAN IS LIKE A FISH WITHOUT A BICYCLE." She recalls that when she was cuddling in the back seat of the family car with her high school boyfriend, her mother turned around and asked, "Isn't it time you two started seeing other people?" She took it for granted, she writes, "that (I) would marry, and that there would always be men (I) wanted to marry."
So sure was she of the limitless romantic opportunities available that at the age of 28, she broke up with a wonderful boyfriend. They had been together for three years. He was "an exceptional person, intelligent, good-looking, loyal, kind." Why did she discard him? "Something was missing."
Ten years later, she writes somewhat (though not entirely) ruefully "If dating and mating is in fact a marketplace . . . today we're contending with a new 'dating gap,' where marriage-minded women are increasingly confronted with either deadbeats or players."
There is a great deal of interesting data in this piece. According to the Pew Research Center, 44 percent of Millennials and 43 percent of Gen Xers think marriage is becoming obsolete. As of 2010, women held 51.4 percent of all managerial and professional positions, compared with 26 percent in 1980. Women account for the lion's share of bachelors and masters degrees, and make up a majority of the work force. Three quarters of the jobs lost during the recession were lost by men. "One recent study found a 40 percent increase in the number of men who are shorter than their wives." Fully 50 percent of the adult population is single, compared with 33 percent in 1950.
But these trends, however interesting, shed only an oblique light on the problem of the decline in marriageable males. Bolick edges closer to the truth in her discussion of sex.
"The early 1990s," she writes, "witnessed the dawn of the '"hookup culture"' at universities, as colleges stopped acting in loco parentis (actually they relinquished that role in the 1970s) and undergraduates . . . started throwing themselves into a frenzy of one-night-stands." Some young women, she notes, felt "forced into a promiscuity they didn't ask for," whereas young men "couldn't be happier."
According to economist Robert H. Frank, "when available women significantly outnumber men . . . courtship behavior changes in the direction of what men want." And vice versa. If there's a shortage of women, the females have more power to demand what they want, which tends to be (surprise!) monogamy. On college campuses, women outnumber men by 57 to 43 percent.
But economic analysis can take you only so far. Men's capacity to insist upon promiscuity rests completely on female cooperation. And women have been foolishly compliant for decades.
They've conspired in their own disempowerment, not because they love their sexual freedom (though a few may), but because people like Gloria Steinem and Ms. Bolick's mother convinced them that the old sexual mores, along with marriage and children, were oppressive to women.
The resulting decline of marriage has been a disaster for children, a deep disappointment to reluctantly single women and unhealthy for single men, who are less happy, shorter-lived and less wealthy than married men. The sexual revolution has left a trail of destruction in its wake, even when its victims don't recognize the perpetrator.
Speaking as an older married male, Bolick is a very physically attractive women. A lot of Freepers have a tendency to let politics trump their optic sensibilities.
Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?
Lovey, Natalie Schafer, stills looks pretty good. Of course, I'm over sixty.
Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?
Where's the great white Hercules to fight the rising odds?
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need
I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night.
He's gotta be strong.
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.
Oh, for actually living with someone, that´s all true. I´m talking raw attraction power here. When one starts to make more mature calculations for a longer term relationship, it´s a good idea to look deeper than mere sexiness.
Strange, it´s almost as if women prefer manly men. ;)
Right on, man.
" Why did she discard him? "Something was missing."
That something is a combination of maturity and the notion that there exists something worthwhile beyond the self.
Being tall and having a good social position can make up for some meekness.
Note though that one does not have to be a stereotypical Arnold S in order not to repel women - having self respect and not allowing the woman to walk all over you is usually good enough.
And make sure your tone of voice matches what you are saying. If you say “I was wrong” but your tone of voice says “I was right but if I don’t apologize she’ll make me suffer for DAYS”, she’ll still make you suffer for days.
so which came first.....Hugh Hefner and the rationalization of porn being a "good" accepted thing OR women rebelling against such crap?...
I am so totally discouraged about today's culture and it just baffles me that people do not see the objectification of women as being the evil foundation of it all....
we'll belittle women for not marrying but dressing like sluts to get dates is OKAY and God forbid we ever criticize erotic "dancers" or Hooters waitresses or the endless worhip of porn by men......
I don't get it....
Its almost like "feminism" was the "trojan" horse for men to get everything they want:....constant access to porn and promicuous "no strings attached" sexual encounters..
congratulations men...you got it all.....
you tell your little girls or SHOW them that women who dress provacatively and act like sluts actually DO get better treatment than those nice girls....well, what the hell do we expect?
Yeah. And Men prefer feminine women. It’s as if we were wired that way. Go figure. :-D
Yes, but in terms of "showing spunk," I don't think "dappled on the chin" or "drying on the front of a shirt" is a good look for a woman. Or a man, for that matter.
Yes, but in terms of "showing spunk," I don't think "dappled on the chin" or "drying on the front of a shirt" is a good look for a woman. Or a man, for that matter.
I’m sorry that urban Yankee feminists aren’t happy, I suppose ... but they could move South, act like ladies, and go to church, if they wanted better potential outcomes.
Reference http://www.fredoneverything.net/Divorce.shtml
Oye! not to mention how many people have their own falsely-accused-of-molestation stories when the subject comes up.
Good link up in #111, Drummie, tho heartbreakingly familiar. I just get a kick out of how ole Fred there expresses himself.
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