“... a story about a guy who had a pet duck...”
A drunk walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender asks, “Uh, can I help you?” The duck responds, “Yeah, you can get this drunk guy off my butt”. (brought to you by my five year old who thinks this is the funniest joke ever(?!)
Next to the one about the drunk at a cocktail party telling everyone about alligator eggs it is. But you have to be at least ten to hear that one. ;^)