Posted on 05/28/2011 10:29:22 PM PDT by raccoonradio
Here is what Mitt Romney should say at his official announcement in New Hampshire on Thursday:
Ive been running for president for almost 20 years now, but this time Ive got a real shot, and I can sum up my edge in one word. Boring.
Thats what I am, boring. Im Dudley Do-Right, a straight arrow. Im not Arnold Schwarzenegger or John Edwards, if you follow me. This year, boring is good.
The White House desperately wants a nutty Republican. Im as bland as my wifes chili that youve been chowing down on.
Forget Osama, Obama cant be re-elected on his record. Nine percent unemployment, four-dollar gas, a real inflation rate of over 8 percent. You know the grisly details, now let me give you a political math lesson.
In 2008, John McCain got 173 electoral votes. After the 2010 census, the McCain states now have 190 electoral votes. Now add three states Barry carried last time that hell never win in 2012 North Carolina, Virginia and Indiana. That puts us up around 220 of the 270 electoral votes that we need to win.
You tell me, how many of the following big states can Obama carry again Ohio, Michigan (one of my five home states), Florida and Pennsylvania, home of the bitter clingers, as the president so condescendingly described its voters in 2008.
I know what youre thinking Romneycare. Hey, nobodys perfect, right? Romneycare is a Hobsons choice deal for me either I stand by it and Im a liberal and an idiot, or I repudiate it and Im flip-flopping again.
Ive made my choice. Im in recovery. Ive joined Flip-Floppers Anonymous. One day at a time.
Whod be a better candidate than me? Sarah Palin is running for the same reason as Donald Trump to burnish her media brand. Theres a reason shes still a Fox News employee Roger Ailes knows this weekend bus trip is just a ratings stunt.
Then theres Rick Santorum. He lost his Senate seat to a weak-sister Democrat by 18 points.
Michele Bachmann? This is the woman who thinks the battles of Concord and Lexington were fought in New Hampshire. Now shes going to announce her candidacy in her birthplace Waterloo, Iowa. Waterloo you cant make this stuff up.
Obama is afraid of boring old me. Why do you think the DNC wanted to change the Massachusetts primary date from March 6? They couldnt figure out that, number one, this fight is going to be over long before March 6, and number two, I may have more problems in Massachusetts than anywhere else. I mean, if everybody whos been fined under Romneycare goes out to vote . . .
Hey, help yourself to some more of Anns chili.
Id like to get rid of Newt before the debates start. I dont do well against glib. Did you know he made a global-warming ad with Nancy Pelosi? And have you heard that Tim Pawlenty, who may be even more boring than me, used to support cap-and-trade?
I may be bland, but Im also trying to be one of the boys. Have you noticed how Ive pretty much stopped wearing neckties? And Im trying to be a sports fan too, just like John Q. Sixpack.
How bout dem Broonz? (Bruins)
Mitt suffers from a horrible proctological condition, anus flammiferus maximus, exacerbated by having to wear Mormon secret undergarments, but I must concede that despite this compelling feature, he is the most boring candidate. It is he, therefore, who is the most completely worthy of being the GOP standard bearer.
Any chance Governor Coolidge might give it another shot? People argue that he is dead. Other people say that about Mitt,and he gives out few signs to the contrary.
I understand that. But like I said, he was shoveling dirt on Milt 2 weeks ago.
Michele McScreamer is on for Howie today; I thought it was going to be Avi and Jen Brien (maybe they were in 1-3;
I only tuned in just now). No thanks.
She’s better than Avi and the colonel...not that that says much.
I like Avi esp. in terms of voice
Really? He reminds me of the “Droopy Dog” cartoon character.
Maybe so, but for me better than the other 2.
Good point!
ER doc hits panic button
By Howie Carr | Wednesday, June 1, 2011 |
http://www.bostonherald.com | Columnists
Im sure its some kind of violation of federal law HIPPA comes to mind but the physician just pressed the printouts into my hand.
I want you to see what were up against, he said. This is what I have to put up with every day in the emergency room.
He was at one of my book signings. Doc had printed out several of the records of his patients, but he seemed particularly worked up about two, a 47-year-old mom and her 24-year-old daughter.
They used to be on Mass Health, but now theyre Commonwealth Connector, he said. It didnt mean much to me one way or another, I knew you and I were picking up the tab.
Since 1993, Mom had shown up at the suburban hospitals ER a total of 183 times. Her daughter, since 1996, had appeared 210 times. The doctor asked me, why did I think theyd appeared at the ER so many times?
Painkillers? I asked, in what I thought was a pretty good guess.
Sometimes, he said. But mostly they do it because . . . they can.
I asked him, do his patients often arrive in ambulances?
Not always, he said. But sometimes. If they do, thats another $500.
Its not often you get a look at the ER records of a pair of gimme girls. Lets start with Mom. So far this year, shes shown up at the hospital three times with depressive disorder, once with chest pain and another time with headache.
When was the last time you went to the ER for a headache?
Lets go back to last year. Mom made eight trips to the ER for chest pains, five for migraines and four for, yes, depressive disorder. In 2009, in addition to the headaches, which are not to be confused with tension headaches, Mom was treated once for panic disorder.
Panic disorder? What, did someone tell her she was going to have to work for a living? And my favorite, two weeks earlier, dizziness and giddiness. Giddiness? If Im giddy, the emergency room is the last place Im headed.
Lets move on to the daughter, age 24. As of late March 2011, shed visited the ER 12 times. In 2010, she had what is (thus far) a career year, with 53 appearances. Among her 2010 principal diagnoses were depression disorder, headache, skin sensation, pain in limb and, my favorite, dehydration.
(May Dr. Carr be allowed to make a diagnosis? When faced with dehydration, it often helps to have some water.) That would have been my diagnosis on Sept. 10, 2008, not to mention Jan. 4, 2008, and Nov. 6, 2006. And thats not to be confused with the Oct. 15, 2002, diagnosis of alcohol abuse or the panic disorder of Aug. 16, 2002, not to mention the various depression disorders, depressive disorders, recurring depressive disorders, etc.
Depression disorder. Can someone please tell me, why is it not supposed to be depressing for taxpayers when the gimme girls are getting everything for free?
Its not too late, though. Vote for whoever the Republican candidate for president is. Another four years of Obama thats what the sawbones call panic disorder.
Article URL: http://www.bostonherald.com/news/columnists/view.bg?articleid=1342096
Surely, legislation should be written so as to eliminate these abuses. And, if they aren't, then "abuse of welfare privileges" ought to be a felony.
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