Posted on 05/20/2011 12:28:20 PM PDT by TheDingoAteMyBaby
The trump card for me is the importance of a complete medical history. There is no way to provide one anonymously at the time of adoption because there is no way to know what medical advances may determine as hereditary.
I think a person has a right to know (if at all possible) who his/her parents are.
Changing that agreement later is wrong.
Except an important party to that contract was never allowed an opinion. It is what a judge would rule as unconscionable.
Then I guess you support abortion, because that would have been the decision of some of those mothers if they knew the couldn’t give up the child and move on.
This law should allow the parent, who gives up her child, to be able to have the option of not being contacted. They can wwrite down their medical history and even leave a DNA sample to ensure the child has the medical history.
I know for myself, if I had to give up a child, I’d want a complete break. Give the child a good home to grow up in. I would not want to be contacted 30 years later and, if I were contacted, I would make it clear and without doubt that it is not a happy reunion from my side.
If there is indeed such a contract, doesn't this law impair the obligation of that contract? That would violate the Contract Clause of the U.S. constitution.
Somebody please call the irony police. Roe v Wade is defended on the grounds of the personal privacy of the woman, and yet she relinquishes this "constitutional right" when the baby is born? Are people arguing this s*** with a straight face?
I don't know what good policy would look like with respect to adoption, but I do like the fact that states get to decide the matter. In theory, one could move to a more restrictive state to give birth to protect anonymity. Just like if you want an abortion you could go to a more liberal state to obtain..er...wait..never mind.
I can’t imagine giving up a child to begin with. How sad for a child to find out not only did their mother give them up, but never even cared to find out how they were doing. With someone like you, it probably would be best for the child to not know. Rejection by a parent is a terrible burden for a child to bear.
Let me put it to you this way.
If I end up with a child to care for, I’d be a better parent than most here. Daycare would not be an option and I’d do my darndest to home school them. It would not bother me in the least to be a parent 24/7. If I had to work three jobs to ensure their well being, it would be a joy, not a burden.
That alone makes me a better parent than most people, period.
Having said that, if I have to give up my child because I am incapable of caring for them, I’d choose the best parents for that child and trust them to raise them. If I have to break a relationship, the break must be complete and without regret.
Generally it is the mother who gives the information placed upon a birth cetificate. What if she names the wrong father either out of malice or through ignorance. Why should not the father be protected? Say at a later date the father has married and has a family and then without warning is presented with a spurious claim, perhaps even blackmailed?
As cruel as some may claim, this is the very reason that so many would-be adoptive parents are opting to go to a foreign country to find a child to love “as they own”. Those fortunate children become the “child of their own”.
Someone who is in the unfortunate position of having to give up an unborn child, may not be able to cope in any future with the result of “activistic meddling”, changing privacy laws, and other governmental mischief. The result, another abortion, as opposed to a living, safe, loved child.
I know personally of two sets of parents, who financed the costs of adoption by their children, PROVIDED THE CHILDREN WERE FROM EUROPE and beyond the reach of “busybody do-gooders.” The two children are now indeed “CREDITS TO THEIR PARENTS.”
In some jurisdictions, you cannot even dispute the claim through a DNA test. If you are named the father and didn’t protest, even if you weren’t aware, you’d be held responsible for child support.
That's an excuse that someone has the right to murder the only innocent party in that mess.
What needs to happen is more people being held responsible for THEIR choices. The baby never gets one.
IMO a mistake.
My DiL was adopted, grew up in a loving family.
She decided to find her birth parents and the relationship with the adopted parents and birth mother went south.
Only the biological father really accepted the contact.
My DiL was traumatized by the ordeal.
The birth mother didn’t want to be found, the adopted parents were very hurt.
The ONLY way it should be carried out is with an intermediary to contact the birth parents and find out whether they want to be contacted by the child.
The new idiotic adoption laws are one reason couples go to E.Europe, Asia for a child. Sad.
Why? I can't imagine thinking that the child would never be curious about where they came from.
The whole idea of pretending that the birth parents never existed so that the adoptive parents feel secure about the exclusive ownership of their children is a psychosis of the 19th century. For medical reasons alone, adult humans have a right to have information about their genetics and birth parents.
I didn’t get involved with it so can only guess.
Maybe they felt that she was rejecting the parents after 20 yrs of a loving upbringing.
Of course people should make the most responsible decisions they can possibly make in their lives.
Now let’s talk reality and the principle of least harm.
We are on the wrong side of paradise, so sometimes it is a reality that the best action is still not a good action, but it is the least harmful action.
It is a reality that if you put people in a position of having to regret their actions, like forcing them to contend with a child that they had to give up. Some will choose to kill the child rather than have the possiblity of the child coming back into their life at some point.
The least harmful thing to do is to allow the child to go to a good home and allow the mother and father the option of wanting to keep in contact or not and respecting their decision.
Privacy is a form of ownership and it is not my place to decide how much privacy somebody is entitled to, including my biological parents.
I don't understand the denial. I really don't. Let's pretend can end badly. And in the story you told, it did.
I know another young woman that was adopted. When her adoptive mother died, her father didn't want her. She was ignored. Finding her birth father (who wasn't told of her existence until after the adoption) has given her answers to medical questions and a father and step-mother that really DO love her. She's in heaven. Unfortunately her birth mother AND her sister had both died. But she has her Dad. Something that she hadn't experienced before.
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