Ha, ha, ha- staying alive, staying alive
By Howie Carr | Sunday, April 17, 2011 |
http://www.bostonherald.com | Columnists
I’ve been listening more and more to the ’70s station on satellite radio. I haven’t got the gas line blues yet, but do any of these other words ring a bell?
Stagflation.
Misery index.
On Friday the government released another bad inflation report. You know how terrible it was by how gingerly the state-controlled media handled it. One reporter brushed off the spiraling increases in prices as “transitory.” Sort of like life, I suppose. An AP reporter alibied, “Except for food, fuel and rent, inflation remained tame.”
Or, as the old joke goes, “Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?”
I’ve been asking my radio listeners how they are attempting to whip inflation now. Some of the old ’70’s remedies are no longer available. Those damned bar codes — at the supermarket you can no longer peel off a couple of weeks’ worth of price increases before you reach the checkout counter.
But there is a way around bar codes. Sometimes on Fridays, when the specials change, they forget to change the barcode back to the higher price.
At the meat and deli counters, human beings still punch in the code to set the prices. Sometimes they make a mistake. If you know the worker, mistakes are more likely, shall we say, to happen.
“I’ve bought porterhouse at chuck steak prices,” Matt said. “It’s amazing how much better porterhouse tastes when you pay $1.99 for it.”
Pre-Obama-era bargains are also available at your local package store.
“I have developed a taste for the domestic legacies — Pabst Blue Ribbon and Narragansett,” said another caller. “After three or four, you can’t tell the difference.”
Then there are the EBT cards, formerly known as food stamps.
“They give you $200 a month,” said a briefly unemployed listener named Brian. “After you sign up, you get six months, one way or the other. I got myself another job, but I’m still getting the handout for four more months.”
Generic brands are hard to beat. OK, so no one in their right mind would buy anything other than Philadelphia cream cheese. But the cheddar, the Monterey Jack — don’t tell me you can tell the difference between block cheeses. Ditto, potato chips.
Why have cold cuts suddenly almost doubled in price? Let me put it another way: How can cold cuts double in price and the mainstream media refuse to mention it, just like they ignore the fact that when George W. Bush left office, the cost of a gallon of gas was less than $2 a gallon?
“These damn moonbats are costing me money,” said Paul from Vermont. “They hate the big discount stores — Costcos, Walmart. Rutland, St. Alban’s, it’s always the same, we can’t bring ’em in, because they’ll hurt downtown. How about me — I’m hurting too.”
Back to the future. It’s the ’70’s all over again. When will Glenn Heller be reopening Beacon Hill Gulf?
Article URL: http://www.bostonherald.com/news/columnists//view.bg?articleid=1331297
Thanks. I only found Howie recently and am now addicted to his writing and humor.