Replies

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2680399/posts

“An Islamic Valentine for Lara Logan”

Pssst…that catchy title was just to grab your attention. This letter is meant for you infidel men.

You infidel women, please click back to fuzzy bunnies and unicorns. I’ll wait.

[Dum-dee-dum dum…]

All men now? Good.

Don’t worry, this isn’t about flowers, candy or cards. Of course the very idea is ridiculous. Valentine’s Day is an infidel holiday celebrating lewd, immoral and licentious behavior typical to your fallen religions. Trust me when I say we have nothing like Valentine’s Day in the one true religion of peace.

And men, isn’t it better for us that we don’t have it in our religion? No need to buy your wife flowers, candies or even a card on Valentine’s or any other day. This is just one small example of why the one true religion is better for men, and why you should seriously consider switching over while we’re still taking volunteers.

And it’s really easy to join. Just say one prayer, and you’re in for life.

Here’s another good reason to switch. Say you don’t feel like showing tender affection to your wife. You don’t have to! In fact, if she burns dinner, doesn’t clean the house, or pisses you off in any way you can just back-hand her, (as long as you don’t break any bones or mark her face.) In fact, it’s okay for you to give her a good thrashing now and then to get her back into line. Why? Because it says it’s okay in the holy books of the one true religion of peace, that’s why.

Don’t worry, the bruises covering the rest of her body won’t show, because (isn’t this great!) a wife can never leave the house while showing one square centimeter of bare uncovered skin that’s not between her eyes and her chin. Which is mighty handy, in case she’s still covered with bruises from her last few disciplinary sessions. And as long as you are careful not to beat her face in, she can still go out in public to do your shopping, (while properly attired, of course).

Here’s another reason why the one true religion is better for us men. Maybe your wife just doesn’t have the old sex-appeal any more. The thrill is gone. No problem! You can remarry, and bring a second, third or a fourth wife home. You don’t have to even ask the old bat’s permission. Whom you marry is up to you and you alone in the one true religion, because you are a man! If wife-number-one doesn’t want you bringing that pretty little thing home to your bed, well too bad for wife-number-one. She has no say in the matter. You may do what you want, because you are a man!

Now, my infidel friend and prospective member of the one true religion of peace, maybe you’re not such a handsome young stud yourself any more. You’re over forty, and you haven’t exactly been working out and keeping buff. Don’t worry, that’s not a problem. Let’s say your brother has a cute little daughter, Fatima. She’s going to be turning thirteen soon. For the first eleven or twelve years of her life she was allowed the run of the block like a free-spirited little sprite. Uncovered, just as cute as a button, and sure to be one hot number once she passes through puberty.

And as luck would have it, you also have a daughter of fourteen or so (perhaps from your second wife) who is not exactly getting any younger and you want her out of the house. Perhaps she is not as pretty as Fatima, but don’t worry, your brother is not as picky as you are. That’s right! You can trade your adolescent daughter to your brother, and he can reciprocate with Fatima. What a great deal this is for us men, under the rules of the one true religion of peace. In this way, you can keep a fresh stock of nubile teenage girls in your bed until you’re too old to want them any longer. And nobody can say a word against this excellent practice, because the prophet of the one true religion explicitly condones and encourages it as one of the very best ways to find a good wife. In fact, this is how the prophet found his favorite wife of all.

But what if your bubbly thirteen-year-old niece—excuse me—bride—objects to having sex with you, simply because you are forty-five and have a gray beard down to your big stomach? Ha-ha-ha! As if what she wants matters! Trust me, she has no say in the matter, none. If you and your brother like the idea of swapping teenage daughters for child brides, that’s all there is to it, it’s settled. (Some Western so-called scientists claim that all of this marrying of close relatives has caused so-called genetic problems, but what do they know? “Genetics” are not mentioned anywhere in our holy books, so they have no importance to members of the one true religion of peace.)

And if you like the girls really young, the one true religion is definitely for you. Even nine years old is plenty old enough for marriage and full marital relations. This was old enough for the Prophet and his very favorite young niece-bride, so don’t worry about catching any flak from other members of the one true religion. If a nine-year-old bride was old enough for the prophet (when he was in his fifties), it is old enough for any male member of the one true religion of peace.

But what if that hot new child bride is not in the mood to satisfy your male needs? Those teenagers (and preteens) can be quite a handful, as we all know. Well, she’d better get in the mood, if she doesn’t want a good thrashing! Our holy books are very clear on this. But what if she still won’t receive your overtures when you want to lay a little loving on her? You have even beaten her black and blue (except on her face), but to no avail. She’s lost that loving feeling, or maybe she never had it in the first place. Some teenage brides are just like that.

Men, this part is great, you will just love it. And this goes for any of your wives, from your oldest to your youngest. Just divorce them, by saying “I divorce thee!” That’s it! No lawyers, no paperwork, no alimony. After this legally-binding divorce occurs she’s thrown out on the street, penniless and rejected by society. The witch will soon be begging on a corner. She’s not exactly a pretty sight, but lucky for us men we don’t have to see her, since she’s just a lump in a burqa, squatting on the sidewalk with only her begging cup showing. Her pitiful example will also do wonders to encourage your other wives to please you better.

Isn’t that great, men? Truly, the one true religion of peace is perfect for us.

(the rest at the FR thread link.)

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2680399/posts