The Tiger Mother Controversy: A False Alternative ( "Western" vs "Eastern" parenting)

The Tiger Mother controversy sets up a false alternative between "Western" and "Eastern" parenting. Western parenting is the liberal parenting method of coddling children and shielding them from the natural consequences of their failures in order to protect their self-esteem. Eastern parenting is the tyrannical method of destroying a child's individuality through psychological and even physical abuse in order to shoehorn the child into a one-size-fits-all mold of perfection. Both methods ignore basic facts of human nature and historical facts about what actually leads to success.

Liberal (Western) parenting starts with the false premise that self-esteem is something a child is born with and which must be protected. The truth is that self-esteem must be earned through self-achievement and that in an environment where failure is not possible, neither is achievement. By attempting to shield their children from the supposedly damaging effects of failure, liberal parents have made it impossible for their children to mature into independent adults. The evidence is all around us today, where we have millions of Americans who are deathly afraid of being responsible for their own lives and who clamor ever louder for a paternal government that will replace their mommies in making all the tough decisions in their lives and taking care of them from cradle to grave in an Orwellian welfare state.

Eastern parenting seeks to destroy the most basic value for success: independence. From the bird that pushes its young out of the nest to the lion that teaches its cub how to hunt, every species on this planet has figured out the most basic function of a parent: teach your offspring not to need you. Every species, that is, except for the Tiger Mother.

Human beings are not interchangeable parts or clones to be programmed according to the wishes of some central bureaucracy of the Communist Party or by the Borg Collective. We are all unique individuals whose very nature demands that we choose our own values and achieve them through our own effort. What happens when you attempt to ignore this fact of reality? You get highly educated, psychologically scarred piano players who have disproportionately high suicide rates and none of the success in life that was supposed to be the payment for all the abuse and suffering they had to endure.

If Eastern parenting delivers on its promises, then why does it take an Andrew Carnegie to create the wealth that makes Carnegie Hall possible for Tiger children to show off their piano skills? Where is the Chinese version of Henry Ford, whose mother died when he was 13 and who left the family farm at 16 to make his own way in life? Why does it take Bill Gates and Michael Dell, two American college dropouts, to create the companies that employ tens of thousands of these Tiger children? Why does the U.S., even while saddled with the disease of liberalism still produce almost three times the GDP of China with less than one quarter of China's population and a far shorter history? Why is so much Chinese progress the result of shameless copying and stealing of U.S. achievements?

The answer to the questions I pose is that there is a superior style of parenting: the American style. The American style of parenting is that which embraces the values and virtues required by human nature: independence, rationality, productiveness, pride, honesty, justice, integrity, honor, and happiness. These are the values and virtues upon which this great country was founded and which unleashed the torrent of productivity that is keeping the world alive today. It is the only style of parenting and of living that is compatible with man's nature and which can allow each individual to develop his full potential and to achieve success and happiness in whatever field of endeavor he chooses to pursue.

A False Alternative ( "Western" vs "Eastern" parenting)

A False Alternative indeed! There is not a "digital" choice (a zero or a one) as an approach to parenting. When your daughter reaches a certain age, say 16, and wants to go to a party, the Eastern answer--No! is not always the right one, nor is the Western answer--Yes!

The correct answer depends upon the circumstances. Who else will be there? Will there be adult supervision? Is there a possibility that drugs, alcohol, or sex will be involved? The important thing is to know your child, to have raised her properly, and to spend the time to understand the specific situation. Parenting involves a continuum of choices; the right answer is sometimes "No," sometimes "Yes," and always, "It Depends."

Perhaps the secret of American success is much easier to define?

Once, all citizens knew three documents were essential:
1. The Declaration of Independenc.
2. The Constitution.
3. The Bill of Rights.

They knew that freedom of person and property were the reason the citizen could create and accumulate. They knew that a marriage between an man and a woman living on their own land, raising their children, dying in their own bed in their home, and bequeathing their assets to their children was the basis of America.

Generations of Americans gradually built the accumulated wealth which, in just one lifetime, has been squandered by Commies/Liberals/Progressives.

The media and the populace's recent obsession with Tiger Moms and this debate over East vs West is really silly when you consider that the appealing and successful parts of "Tiger Mom" child rearing seem to be ideas like these:.
Make your kids do their work.
Don't accept incomplete work.
Teach your kids that excellence is the standard.
Limit recreation time.
Make your kids do things they don't like when it's good for them.
Control your children's diet and exercise.
There is nothing new, unique, Eastern or exotic about any of these ideas. The American family and education systems today are simply so screwed up that we look at these ideas and think they are "Chinese." 50 Years ago these were perfectly American ideas. Throw in entrepreneurism, rugged individualism, the protestant work ethic, and innovation and you have the American Dream as played out for the last few centuries but currently undergoing assault.

“The only thing the “Tiger Mom” way of parenting that I disagree with...”

There are several things that I don’t agree with. For example, if my child hands me a handmade card, I don’t hand it back and say it is trash. I put it on my fridge for all to see and then I keep it. I don’t force my children to get straight A’s. I expect them to do their best but not every student is capable of perfection. I hug, kiss, and tell my kids each day that I love them. In today’s world, I like to think that they know they are loved no matter what happens. I allow them to socialize with friends. I don’t force them to play either the violin or the piano. In short, I love them for who they are... not what I demand them to be. Thus far, I have very bright kids who excel in school, have a sense of humor, love their country, have high expectations for themselves and believe in God. They are kind, helpful and great kids. Just a thought.

So you agree with the nagging, humiliation, belittling, and withholding of food and water, so long as basketball, football or soccer make the to do list?

Nice.

We've pretty much modeled the "Mary Poppins" way of raising our kids.....strict, but with an element of fun behind every lesson. In our house, it is good humor and fun that takes the "sting" out of the mundane, the difficult and the downright painful moments in life, and our children have blossomed into thoughtful,creative, hard-working and downright wonderful young adults--including one who, had she lived in any other household, would long ago have been given some "little blue pill" of some sort to modfy her behavior.

I know we're on the right track with our techniques when we reach out to other kids we come into contact with (our nieces and nephews, the kids we teach at church, our kids' friends). They react to it as if it's a drug they just can't get enough of .....and consequently, we are quite well received by our children's friends. They can't believe the difference between the relationship they have with their own parents and the one we have with our girls.

As for MGD and I--it's been nothing but a joy and pleasure raising these exceptional beings....we have truly enjoyed every step of the way. It's frustrating, however, to see parents harp and moan and struggle with their kids, when with a few simple tweaks, everyone wins.

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