I had arranged for them to buy groceries for Dad at a local grocer and to feed him lunch .. I drove in without announcing I was coming (living 350 miles away). When I opened the refrigerator there was nothing in it but water. It seems she bought a TV tray at the 7-11 and cooked it there and brought it over to the house for Dad to eat. Many other details, were bad, bathing, laundry, actual time spent with him. then there is the instance of the (aide) being so desperately depended upon Dad would give them anything he had to get them to stay a bit. It was awful. Dad lived to be just shy of having his #93 birthday.
Moved him here into a retirement center, hired a companion for the first three months. He went into the hall at night and fell against the sofa and cracked his pelvis. Sad. Then rehab, he became disoriented and they would only release him to a nursing home. Bad. And it was the best there is here. Stuck in a room or in a wheel chair with out over site... except morning wake up and to bed. Meals were a problem. All these things were costing about $3000.00 a month. Elderly people have a difficult time adjusting to change and seem to be lost most of the time.
Mother's story was worse really, she had a full time companion with her 24 hours a day: costing about $6,000.00 a month for almost 3 years because she wanted to run away back to her home. Then a move into the nursing home She still had her companion all day. Mother had Alzheimer's. It cost enough for a Harvard education and then some. It was the best available. Mother was 87 years of age when she died.
All this to relate the aides and companions serving my parents were not trained much and rarely were truly serving their patient. Still I blessed them and appreciated what it was they did.
We had a block party couple of months ago ... the policewoman told us about local robbery and theft and the pawn shops, and how they had been called that week regarding a woman attempting to pawn a 4.5 caret diamond ring, taken as it turned out, from the lady she was caring for. Unknown by the elderly lady. It is a tough situation. People are tempted.
We will all experience this, if we live to that stage. None of us will like it. MO
Divorce is probably the root of the problem. I am always amazed by couples who have celebrated their golden wedding anniversaries where the healthy spouse takes care of the frail one - poignant and inspirational. And, younger members of the intact family - seem more able to take care of the survivor. Divorce separates everyone into locations and loyalties.
It would be great if there was an AARP or some such organization-sponsored membership for ‘sweat equity’. i.e.If you live in my location you check on my parent and if a member lives next to your parent - he/she checks on yours. Maybe the RED-HATs Chapters could look into it;)