I don’t want to criticize but it was very hard to follow what was happening. I think you were trying to be so literary that you forgot that we WEREN’T there. It made sense to you since you were there. You have to write for your audience.
The guy who brought up paragraphs was being kind to you.
Shalom.
100% valid criticism. I’ve already apologized for the stylistic and informational deficiencies of the post. They were caused by the very intensity of the scene, and difficulty describing it in clear, accessible prose, acceptable to the American Dental Hygiene Association. Next time I see something like that, I’ll count to ten and organize better.