The five cent version goes something like this;
Earth is a living organism that is capable of producing a great many things. However, Earth cannot produce plastics. So, Earth decided to change things ever so slightly so that man could rise to be the dominant species and produce plastics. Now that we have done this, Earth has introduced pathogens and diseases to our environment that will eradicate us, much like a body rids itself of toxins.
“Why are we here? Plastic...a-hole!”