I would beg to differ on this point. We hit back with a vengeance after 9/11 and I believe we were right to do so. True, the problem hasn't gone away and (unfortunately) it appears that it's not going to for a long time.
I have never expected that restraint would endear us to our enemies but I do believe that, if applied wisely, it can help us avoid unnecessarily creating more.
Had we nuked Taliban strongholds in Afghanistan I might agree with you however, the surgical war we have fought against muslims to date has lead to the Islamic idea that we are weak, they see our victories are half hearted and even lucky because the overall ferocity just isn’t there.