Posted on 08/22/2010 6:04:04 AM PDT by KentTrappedInLiberalSeattle
You don’t believe me but just said yourself MR is used in the Sp. ED. field. That’s the term she used too, MR for mentally retarded and that’s why I mentioned that the term “retarded” was considered rude but she said mentally retarded was common in her field. My point was the use of the term “retarded” by post-grads. It’s acceptable.
No. Calling someone developmentally disabled a “RE-tard” is NOT acceptable in the medical and educational fields.
It seems you are developmentaly disabled since you keep using the same words you find fault with me using. Have a good evening, Eli. :)
Joe, here it is!!! I am not an uninvolved party. Nor am I an “advocate” as you so mockingly suggest. (people with any kind of disability need all the advocates they can muster, believe me.)
I am the mother of a 40 year old delightful, very witty, and charming man with a developmental disability who has been ridiculed many times through the years, being called “retard”. This is not some abstract concept, this is a real human being with real human feelings.
I am speaking firsthand of the pain involved for someone when their disability is used as a putdown for someone else. It’s using the label “retard” or “retarded” as a putdown that is so hurtful.
You can use any kind of description you want, just stop using labels that are extremely hurtful to innocent people.
Someone who is not disabled doing something can be fair game.
We choose to be offended or not by the comments of others, especially those uttered about others without individual malice. Part of that is not caring what people say until it gets personal.
I figured you were family to someone with such a disability, not a professional, paid "advocate", and any mocking was for the many who, absent a clear direction in life, decide to major in a field for a paycheck. Most don't last because they don't care.
With family, it is different, and I commend you for the decades of effort on behalf of your son. I am sure that has had challenging moments, as well as some very good ones.
One of the most valuable lessons your son can learn is to overcome the immediate sense of hurt when someone else uses a word speaking about someone else, because it was not applied to him. You can help with that, and if you can get him to recognize the difference, you will save him a world of pain in the future. It may take some work to get him to realize the difference, provided he can. For his sake I genuinely hope so.
It isn't a question of being cold or unfeeling, it is one of teaching our children when to be hurt or take offense, and when not to, otherwise they will spend their lives being hurt by comments not directed at them and uttered without malice.
They have enough pain in life with the maliciously uttered remarks without being injured by ones which were not directed toward them.
As for understanding how deep those scars can run, for most of my youth I was the 'fat kid'. Even after I lost ten inches off my waist and built a lot of muscle, it took years to not turn around when someone yelled "Hey, fat boy!".
What I was lucky enough to discover is that that can be overcome. It isn't easy when the condition no longer exists (it is habitual at that point), and it definitely isn't any easier when the condition which invited derision is still there, but I think as a society we have become generally more sensitive toward people with disabilities, and now reserve the old terms for the actions of those who do not have them.
Your son is old enough to recall before the term 'developmentally disabled' came into use, and that will make it tougher. So let me ask you this, If you take less offense at the term, and try to minimize the emotional impact of a string of consonants and vowels, do you think your lessened sensitivity might rub off on him? Most of our offspring take cues from their parents when it comes to being upset or worried about something (speaking as a great grandfather), their level of emotional response often relfects the response of those whom they look up to for the appropriate response, especially in situations which are either new (I know this is not new) or uncomfortable. Granted, this can be overridden by an almost automatic response to past situations, but even that can be overcome with time. Strip the word of the power to inflict pain. If you can, it will be the greatest gift yet you can give him.
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