Unfortunately she used money as the leverage, she has them believing Daddy is stealing their money (I have never missed a child support payment). My son and daughter no longer talk to me because of that and no longer wish to have a relationship because of that.
I am basically defenseless to stop it. California Judges support the rights of mothers, when it comes to the rights of the fathers, there is basically no such thing.
I am glad to see parent alienation is finally getting the attention it deserves.
A friend of mine had the same thing happen but managed to have 4 weeks summer vacation and every other Christmas written into the agreement.
The ex’s family was mega wealthy and the kids were raised with nannies and butler’s etc.
Each summer they vacationed with dad they got to taste real life and did things they were never allowed to do living with their mother; things like riding bikes in the neighborhood, playing baseball with their dad, shooting rifles/shotguns, riding four wheelers, etc.
The father got a kick out of sending the kids home to their bazillion dollar home/neighborhood in the cammos they so loved to wear when visiting him.
When both kids turned 18 they moved in with their dad, despite having to live on a budget and away from the wealth and privilege of their mother’s side of the family.
Some suggestions . . .
1. keep a journal with signed daily entries of any significant anything related to the kids, relationships etc. If nothing is happening daily—note daily what should be happening but is not.
2. Make certain there’s a paper trail of the payments.
3. If possible, send written love notes to the kids weekly. If not possible, send them to your parents or some other reliable person likely to be very responsible to keep them in a box etc. When the kids turn 21, you could arrange to send a box of such to each of them. You might include in the notes what you’d have bought for them that week, if you could have.
4. It might be possible to logon to FACEBOOK as a peer and keep track of them and affirm them in loving ways that way. If so, resist the temptation to out yourself for at least a year.
5. PRAY PRAY PRAY FOR GOD TO BREAK THE SITUATION—WHATEVER HIS WISDOM AND LOVE WOULD ARRANGE.
6. FORGIVE. FORGIVE. FORGIVE. That, more than anything, will put the other parent in the middle of God’s discipline as well as free you from the bondage and consequences of unforgiveness.
7. When you write, you would do well to write about wondering what they look like that day, what their activities are that day; what you’d tell them you liked about their personality that day etc. You can use hypothetical fantasies about such as well.
8. After 6-12 months of keeping a journal, you might send a copy to the judge involved with the visitation decrees. Add a statement about the alienation efforts. Those efforts should be documented in tha journal.
9. If you have not been keeping such a journal, write the events down as they have happened to date.
10. Get a couple of trusted, trustworthy witnesses to sign & date your journal on all crucial entries and periodically on routine ones. Insure the journal is in your handwriting. Write bigger & skip every other line, if you need to, in order to make it legible.
11. Buy whatever durable, useful item a young adult would likely want or need at say age 12-25 . . . or better, some durable investment—which could be tricky these days . . . for birthdays etc.
12. PRAY that God would give a hunger in each child to know you. Pray that God would expose the lies about you and the evil motives against you. FORGIVE. FORGIVE. FORGIVE.
/hugs. I’m so sorry to hear that. To miss out on a relationship with your father who wants one... I truly hope you can reconnect with your children some day. I know they miss you even if they don’t want to admit it.